as i unwrapped the crisp shiny papered gift in front of me…. i kept thinking please let the pony be pink, please let the pony be pink, please let the pony…….. FUCK i did not need this stupid sweater. its red. i look stupid in red. i am totally misunderstood. bout the only thing that looks good in red is blood.
what other tricks will i uncover. should not have muttered those words. this woman who holds power of attorney and got a peace order against me… she did not show up. she stayed away from court. and still the…

when i used to take large amounts of ecstasy many moons ago i was always shocked by the individuals who threw their arms around each other professing love and anything like it. they would never act that way off the drug. but under the circumstances all was good. it brought me down. i felt forced to say something back.
i rarely felt it but, i knew that these people were not strong enough to handle rejection while the mind was absent from reality. or even after that. see if you did not know how to direct your trip then you…

oh my GOD! just when i was sure that this life could not get any more strange. just when i convinced myself i was free and clear of harm and hatred. out of the blue and from no where in particular i have been whacked with an unbelievable two by four, in the back of my aching head. who does this bitch think she is. i got served y'all. she got a peace order to keep me away from her. she says i stalked her. but i have been too busy loving my sons full time, working full time, sleeping,…

i have had enough. i have nothing left. i know ive said it before. but i mean it. i am defeated. i just see no point in pushing through this. she has a record. and she has no problem with going to jail. but more over she got a peace order against me. she is going to keep me from the hospital. even though i have a right to be there. she is going to keep me away so she can convince them all of what a useless cunt i am. i got her though. i plastered the walls with…

now my husband tosses and turns and twists. thoughtless and unmotivated by anything like life he waits to be poked and prodded by the rude and despicable nursing staff at shock trauma. his eyes now open, from time to time. but unable to focus. he lays there defeated. and the POA that bitch bonnie holds basically entitles her to everything but holds her responsible for nothing. she does not incur any expenses, even if and when she should collect his life insurance and his 401k. she is not responsible to pay his medical bills. so she can have him in…

so i am heading down to the hospital where my husband thoughtlessly lays, motionless, machines moving air through his lungs, blood being redistributed to his brain, where he has not a thought. what a waste. in life he was not exactly thoughtful. he called me cruel things. words that tore and ripped like bullets into my delicate sensitive facade. i would patch the bullet marks up with putty and a coat of fresh paint but i was never impermeable to the next round. i would stand rigid, which only made his blows sting even more. he would smack my bum…

like salt, rubbed into my bleeding wounds. like the feeling of my blood through my veins. like sand paper removing paint from old furniture. my attitude since way back when. i just want to smile again. i want my children to have an easier life then they have been accustomed too of late. i want them to play at the park confident that they are loved. i want them to sleep without fear of the boggy man coming from underneath their bed to steal all the good memories i worked so hard to give. i was just smoothing the icing…

help me please. my body may not belong to me. and my mind has strings attached. and my arms are wrapped around something or another. my hair is tangled and twisted into vines growing out of the ground in the back yard. my heart belongs to daddy… or at least thats what the song says. the thief bitch has trumped me with the power of attorney. and she forged my husbands signature. and she went after his life insurance policy today and she has repossessed his motorcycle and his truck. she has the right to my house and my truck.…

i was devastated to get the news. how could he have the exact same accident and nearly the same injuries sustained. is this more than i can handle? should i even begin to? this news would only be the beginning. his girlfriend and her biker buddies have confiscated the motor cycle. they refuse me access to the apartment to get his paperwork so that i might get his life in order. and now his boss at the tattoo shop claims he has power of attorney. which means that he is in charge of making these painful and critical decisions. but…

people places and things. the people some i know, some i could have comfortably gone a life time with out never knowing. they are varied, some doctors, some lawyers, some bikers… all make me feel like my life does not belong to me and all are intimidating my decisions to sway. the less important, like the parking attendant, or the toll taker, they matter little to me, or this, just a glance a smile, a missing eyeball for me to ponder. how did that happen. a simple distraction from this unbearable feeling. nurse takes my hand and says" we are…