Blog

If I were an album, a sonic musical landscape, I would be Boards of Canada's Music Has the Right to Children.

If I were an album as other people see me (or as I think they see me, or maybe even as I, at times, want them to see me), I would be múm's Finally We Are No One.

If I were an album with lyrics, or rather, a more traditional lyrical song structure, I would be Death Cab for Cutie's Transatlanticism.

You all make of that what you will. And for the record, I have no idea what record I aspire to be. Perhaps a Dntel one? No, maybe not. Maybe Four Tet's Rounds? How about a Panda Bear or Animal Collective album? Or Manual? No, that can't be right. I mean, I could go on. All these things have influenced me, immensely, but the album I aspire to be has yet to be written. Because I am going to write it.

I should probably get on that. Yeah.

*FOR SOME REASON THIS MP3 FILE DOESN'T LIKE WINAMP. I SUGGEST RUNNING IT IN ITUNES. I HAVE NOT YET TRIED IT IN WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER*

I Am Remembering You (You Were Sparkling)
Claire Love

1. Boards of Canada - Wildlife Analysis
2. Aphex Twin - Xtal
3. Pass Into Silence - Voices
4. Madonna - Drowned Word/Substitue for Love
5. The Chemical Brothers - Hold Tight London
6. Kylie Minogue - Can't Get You Out of My Head
7. The Postal Service - Such Great Heights (John Tejada Remix)
8. Junior Boys - In The Morning (Hot Chip Remix)
9. Domink Eulberg - Afriad of Seeing Stars
10. Rilo Kiley - Breakin' Up (Hot Chip Remix)
11. My Brightest Diamond - We Were Sparkling (Haruki Remix)
12. Arovane - Instant Gods Out of the Box
13. Manual - 1986

Firstly, in all my years of mix making, this is my first attempt at making a DJ-like mix in Audacity, so some of the transitions are rough. If you listen, be kind to me. I tried really hard. And also that thing above about not listening to it in Winamp. Yeah.

The inspiration for this mix was Hot Chip's remix of Rilo Kiley's Breakin' Up, two of my favorite artists despite RK's disappointing recent effort. Breakin' Up takes a page out of Postal Service's book, and is one of the salvagable songs on Under The Blacklight. Anyone familiar with the original knows that that is a cheeky, upbeat, and even exuberant take on the end of a relationship. Hot Chip's remix removes every element of fun from the original. Jenny Lewis's voice hangs eerily over icy synth beats, and the joking tone of the original turn is turned into an angry, bitter retort that is infused with a haunting sadness.

I didn't really intend for this mix to tell a story, but of course that's what it ended up doing. It is a story about love, a certain kind of love. The kind that comes to you when you are hurt and that is surrounded with the hurt you can see it bringing you. And perhaps that is the truest love of all, I don't know. The first three tracks are innocence and sadness, the solemn wandering of a romantic unmoored, able to find beauty in life, but sort of quietly resigned to loneliness, and not looking for love.

Then, during the fourth track, love and lyrics drift in for the first time. Our lovely protagonist has given up love and sought success and happiness on their own, and has succeeded, but now in the face of this surprising new person, they realize the hollowness in the sounds of the earlier tracks, the melancholy that haunted their happiness, is because their was no love. So they give up, they give in.

The next track is infused with the passion of new love, but there is still that biting doubt, that sense that their new lover is not safe, that they will be hurt. There is the war between heeding the "warning," or telling the other person of the danger, of your baggage, and just giving into to this terrible fear. But of course there is denial, and in this case the refrain "Don't worry, nothing can go wrong," is more of a mantra that you use to convince yourself that it's true.

So, now you're totally crazy in love and you can't get them out of your head and you reach such great heights, and the next two songs are in that stage of obsession, of passion, of love and addiction and the belief in perfection, but the tone stays haunting, stays desperate, stays almost said because this is the desperate fucking you do in the dark to stay alive, to prove that this will not fall apart.

Then it does fall apart. Someone is a jerk. Someone owns up to the fact that it isn't going to work, or as is more likely in this case and with this mix, someone's terror overcomes them because they realize maybe this actually could work. And this means it could hurt even more, this is terror of being too in love. So they make up reasons it can't work, or worse, bring up the original reasons our protagonist was wary of but chose to ignore. So, of course, the retaliation to this coward is, you're afraid of this love, "you're afraid of seeing stars," and there is a frantic scramble to keep them close. There is also the joy that can only come from breaking up and getting back together over and over and over...until the Rilo Kiley song comes in and you finally break up, and this time, does it hurt enough for you? Is your heart broken enough that you won't go back? And it is, we're breaking up, I'm breaking up.

And then all that is left for you, for our protagonist, to do is to sit and remember, and to still be in love. You are clinging to those memories tight because that is the only place there is any love left to be had. The last songs are haunting sadness, a return to that wordless fog of the beginning of the mix that takes on a rhythm and then slowly, hauntingly, fades out into a fog of memory. Your former lover seems now to be only a dream, some figment of your imagination, and all you are left with is your sadness and the ghost of a memory that is ever so slowly fading away into sounds and smells and senses until all you are left with is your sadness, your aloneness and, if your are lucky, your resignation.

I, of course, have never experienced any of these things in real life, being an unfeeling robot.

Here is the sendspace link for the mix: I am Remembering You (You Were Sparkling).mp3. It is all one track mixed together compressed into one mp3. Please be kind on me when considering the transitions. This was my first time out with something this complicated. I used Audacity and did my best. Album art is original, please no takey. And like I said, the file is not a big fan of winamp.

so i've listened to the album through three times now, and i tried to give it a fair shot. i have tried to listen to it as if it is by an artist i've never heard before. but it's just not doing it for me. i love, love dance pop. my playlist is full of it. but this is just not good dance pop. good indie dance pop is LCD Soundystem or Cut Copy or CSS or Hot Chip or maybe even Caribou. leaning toward the more disco side, Kylie Minogue is an example of a very solid dancey poptastic artist. but this record, while i certainly admire Rilo Kiley's ambitions...is not good dance pop. it is not good for what it's trying to be. and really...it is not good at all, period.

i think one of the main problems is the production. on an album like this production is key. it is really, really ambitious production, but it feels only half done. the levels and mixing seems all wrong, it's way too super glossy, and the vocals are terrible, which is odd considering how wonderfully mindblowing jenny's voice is. i love how you can hear the fun she's having in her voice, but there are times when it feels like a better vocal take would have vastly improved the song. i hate to say it, but there are times when she also sounds pitchy. for example, during the chorus of Breakin' Up, when jenny's voice isn't being swallowed by those of the back-up singers it sounds weak and out of tune with both them and itself. is she straining, or is this just a poor vocal take left in due to poor production? or does she just not know how to sing in a higher register? who knows, it sounds bad.

further, it's possible to have super glossy production on a record and not have it sound so jarring. for example Justin Timberlake's new album or the aforementioned Kylie Minogue. they're super slick, but not distracting. even Jenny Lewis's own Rabbit Fur Coat was slicky produced without it being distracting.

then there's the somewhat repetitive or simple lyrics. there's nothing wrong with that idea either. lcd soundsytem is one example of a band that does great with this concept. but once again, it feels like the lyrics on this record are only half finished. lcd soundsystem's lyrics may be kind of repetitive and simple, but they are incredibly striking. it is because they are concise, not vague. but they're not like bricks, they are still open to interpretation. that's their genius. another example of a band with a sprawling amazing dance sound and simple but engaging lyrics is hot chip (try "Boy From School" to see what i mean, or "Tribulations," by lcd soundsystem). granted some songs on Under The Blacklight album do the lyric thing better than others, but as with the production, i feel like this is kind of half-formed in its execution. even The Ethel Merman Disco Album has better production (seriously, though, that album is amazing...it is an excellent example of disco production applied to something never meant to be disco-fied).

don't get me started on Smoke Detector. rilo kiley doesn't even do rilo kiley well any more! this song is supposed to be a sequel to The Frug. why does the frug work? it's quirky, full of joy, danceable, and its lyrics still pack a huge punch despite being simple and repetitive because they are concise and thoughtful (i.e., i can take my clothes off/i cannot fall in love). not to mention that the frug doesn't sound like it is being ripped out of some 50's beach bopper movie.

and where is the rest of the band on this album? i mean...seriously. i miss them.

i think comparisons to Gwen Stefani are apt (despite the fact that jenny's voice, even at it's weakest, owns gwen's...when they're both not singing out of tune). this record kind of sounds like it could be jenny's second solo album if she took a gwen stefani club queen approach, but without the genius of a producers like The Neptunes or Timbaland or even will.i.am. there's absolutely nothing wrong with rilo kiley wanting to explore this genre - it's a great and fun genre. and they certainly seem to be having lots of fun, which is also awesome. and this band is clearly capable of writing catchy songs - they've been stuck in my head all day, despite the fact that i think they're awful, which is praiseworthy i suppose. plus, i think these songs will translate better live because they won't be hampered by the awful production and will have the benefit of a musically skilled live band. but evaluating this album as just music, not even as a kiley record necessarily, i think it is really, really subpar.

i think Dreamworld is the standout track - the production and lyrics really, really work. Silver Lining would have been a great jenny solo track, and Close Call is probably one of the most musically interesting (and least offensive) songs on the album. but mostly this album is unlistenable. i have to say i really dislike Under the Blacklight...it sounds like a bad Shania Twain or Faith Hill, or dare i say Jessica Simpson song. there is a way to do this kind of pop, but it only works when you're smart about it. freedom and fun are great, but you have to craft it too. better and more thoughtful production would have helped a whole lot. maybe if rilo kiley decides to stick with this genre they'll be much better at it the next time out, with more experience under their belts. but i think in this case rilo kiley has over-stepped their bounds, something i didn't think was possible. i feel the way it all comes together is just...awful. poor songwriting, poor production, poor delivery. and that's what makes for bad music, my friends, no matter what the genre, and no matter who the band.

edit: this blogger not only agrees with me, but has scientifically deconstructed rilo kiley's creative decline in a way i never possibly could. the link to the blog entry: http://idolator.com/tunes/theories/charting-the-demise-of-rilo-kiley-one-inch-of-miniskirt-fabric-at-a-time-310054.php.

Name your top 10 artists played on last.fm:

1. Rilo Kiley
2. Boards of Canada
3. Manual
4. Aphex Twin
5. Dntel
6. Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
7. Death Cab for Cutie
8. Sufjan Stevens
9. Four Tet
10. The Go Find

Now answer the questions according to the numbers:

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
This is a difficult question to answer because I'd heard most of the songs that appear on this album as live, basically solo Jenny songs before the album was released. Of those, I don't remember which one I heard first. Rise Up With Fists!! comes to mind, but I'm just not sure.

What is your favourite album of 2?
Music Has the Right to Children. That was easy.

What is your favourite lyric that 4 has sung?
I think the "eeeeeeOOOOeeeeeeeeerrrrr" sounds from Windowlicker beat "I want your soul" without any question.

How many times have you seen 5 live?
DNTEL doesn't really do live, but I did see The Postal Service live.

What is your favorite song by 7?
Oh, this is hard. How about...Not fair I can't pick! Um. Every song on Transatlanticism is tied for first with I Was a Kaleidoscope.

What is a good memory you have involving the music of 10?
Driving home from Matt's house one night last summer, I was just coming down from being high, and Over the Edge (Late night Remix) came on. I had also just gotten my subs installed and the sound of that song at night flitering through my $2000 stereo system flitered through ears tweaked with marijuana...was amazing.

Is there a song of 3 that makes you sad?
1986 makes me miserable because if West Virginia had a sound or collection of sounds that could explain the way it makes me feel, this would be it.

What is your favorite lyric that 2 has sung?
"Orange, yeah, that's right."

What is your favorite song by 9?
Once again this is tough, because Rounds is one of the best albums ever made and I adore every single song on it. It's a tie between Hands, She Moves She, and My Angel Rocks Back and Forth.

How did you get into 3?
Well, I went through an "I'm obsessed with Morr Music," phase and downloaded everything on the label. I got Manual about the same time I put new speakers in my car, and remember using it as a test CD. At this point I remember noticing that the production on these albums was amazing, but I didn't really start listening to Manual for real until late last year. I don't know what made me start. I must have randomly popped it in again once I got my subs, remembering how good it sounded. Either that or it kept coming on my iTunes's shuffle function. And I suppose after that I was sold.

What was the first song you heard by 1?
The Frug!

What is your favorite song by 4?
Windowlicker, which is an easy answer, but it's true.

How many time have you seen 9 live?
None :(

What is a good memory you have involving 2?
Listening to Boards of Canada with Allen and Andy, high as balls. This was the first time in two years of listening to Boards of Canada that I finally got their music. Listening to Allen and Andy talk about listening to it taught me how to listen to it and I was fucking stuck. They're now probably my favorite artist.

Is there a song of 8 that makes you sad?
I think every single Sufjan Stevens song ever makes me sad.

What is your favorite album of 5?
Hmmm...Early Works for Me if it Works for You.

What is your favorite lyric that 3 has sung?
I don't think there is one Manual song with words in it. Maybe some humming or mumbling, but nothing clear.

What is your favorite song of 1?
Oh yay, yet another easy question. Probably The Good That Won't Come Out.

What is your favorite song of 10?
Over the Edge.

How many times have you seen 8 live?
None, though this doesn't upset me so much.

What is your favorite album of 1?
Hah! The Execution of All Things.

What is a great memory you have considering 9?
This is one of those musicians you share with people, and when they listen to it they go, "ahhh!" So all of my good memories involve making various people listen to this in my car. Fond memories also come when I think oflistening to it alone in my car, or pensively in my room.

What was the first song you heard by 8?
God, I can't remember. Probably the first song off of Illinois.

What is your favorite cover by 3?
Because Blue Skied an' Clear is the only cover song by Manual that I'm aware of...that one.

So I’m sure all of us have compiled this list either in our heads, out loud, or on paper at least once in our life. The last time I sat down and decisively ranked the music I was listening to I was probably 17, and I think it should go without saying that in 4 years my taste has changed drastically. For one thing, I listen to electronica now. A lot. It’s pretty much the only thing I listen to. When I was 17, I refused to listen to it because I thought all electronic music sounded like bad house music. I am really, really glad that my friends fixed that idea.

With all this in mind, I decided it was time to sit down and write a list of my favoritest albums (not artists, that’s a different list entirely) ever. They’re not definitively ranked, but they do appear in order of importance and/or adherence to the criteria I’ve set forth.

My criteria for judging were threefold. First, I took into consideration how strong the album was as an album. Most CDs aren’t albums, they’re just collections of songs. The titles that appear on this list are complete albums that exist as a whole unit. They tell a story. This completeness means that I can listen to the album the whole way through without skipping a track because i want to know where the story is going. But also it means that each song is unique enough to keep my attention for an hour straight. Listening to a good album all the way through is just as satisfying and complete as reading a good book or watching a good movie, whether or not there’s lyrics.

Second, I took into consideration how much I adored the album. How many times did I listen to it over and over again? How high does it make my heart soar? How much does it speak to me? Basically, if it was a book, how dog-eared would it be?

Third, I took into consideration the effect the album has had on music as a whole. Most of these albums are the epitomes or trailblazers of the genre or sub-genre which they represent. Some have affected more than one genre. These are the artists that you hear in everyone else’s music.

The explanation of my criteria is basically, therefore to serve as a disclaimer. Without further ado, here is the list.


GROUP ONE
Boards of Canada – Music Has the Right to Children
I really hope I don’t have to explain to anyone why I put this on the list and why I put this on the top. It is one of the rare albums that pitchforkmedia.com has given a 10.0, if that means anything to you, and it has been instrumental in influencing an entire genre of electronica musicians. Colored with a mix of hip hop, IDM, ambient, and satanic flavors, it is one of the defining albums of a musical generation. This is one of those artists that everyone is trying to imitate. Plus, the soundscapes are deliriously creepy, edgy, and beautiful. The level of production on individual songs, the mixing and the way the tracks were ordered is so perfect it almost makes me want to puke. This is an album that is great for listening to alone or in groups. It’s electronica that makes you think. Love it or hate it, it’s impossible to hear this music and not have a strong reaction.

Rilo Kiley – The Execution of All Things
Another brilliantly produced, written, and recorded album. The best thing about this album is that the mood conveyed by the music through both the soundscapes and delivery perfectly matches the meaning of the lyrics so that they become inseparable. Jenny Lewis’s voice is beyond amazing, and while Blake Sennett’s is noticeably weaker, I think his songs on this album are definitely his strongest. He's also a mind-blowing guitarist. The tracks, once again, are ordered in a way that tells a perfect story, and walks you through mood changes that would seem to be the natural order of things if you were living the experiences described in the songs. Plus the lyrics…dear God the lyrics. Rilo Kiley has never and will never again sound so raw and alive. It’s hard to capture that feeling on an album that obviously went through an extensive amount of thoughtful production without making it feel contrived or rubbing off the edge. But it happened here. This is one of the few albums that has produced such a cathartic experience for me that I cried while listening to it. And, contrary to popular belief, I'm not a crier.

Manual – Ascend
This one is ranked so high because I am totally in love with it. I think it’s one of the most completely solid albums I’ve ever listened to, and probably my favorite ambient album ever. So basically it’s number three because I adore it. It’s well produced and the opening track is just mind-blowing. I don’t know how much of the sound here is jacked from other artists, but this is the way I like my ambient. The album is so great to me because it is utterly epic and unspeakably gorgeous. There is something biting about the moods Jonas Munk creates. The way the same sound and mood themes amble through his albums, stringing it together, even though things seem meandering and each song is its own voice. This is an artist deliberately trying to evoke images in your head. This is great stuff to sleep to, drive to, or meditate to. But if you’re going to listen to it, make sure that you’re doing it on a good sound system; the better the quality of the sound, the better your experience will be.

Four Tet – Rounds
Oh Four Tet, pioneer of folktronica, how I love you. I don’t know if there’s anyone doing what Four Tet does anywhere near as good as he does it except for maybe Caribou/Dan Sanith. Four Tet is one of those rare electronica musicians that I make all of my friends listen to because I feel his music is that rare electronica music that’s accessible to all listeners. This is the new jazz right here, people, but with a hip-hop feel. The production is so crisp you feel as if you could take bite out of it. I just can’t get enough of listening to how good this album sounds. There is also the incredible nuance to production that rules the previous three albums mentioned. You can always find some new tweak to pick out and be awed at. The way Hebden layers his sounds, the way he introduces them and works them in is so subtle but so right. These songs are builds and fades. They are unusual combinations that fit together naturally. No matter what sample he’s using, whether it’s a heartbeat, an instrument, or some sort of electronic bleep, it all sounds “organic,” as if it’s coming from live instruments. And with an electronica album, that’s rare. Further, it’s as if these sounds have always belonged together and all they needed was Hebden to come along and play matchmaker. The frantic, joyous, melancholy mood of the album is also a pleasure to experience. This electronica is deep.

Death Cab for Cutie – Transatlantacism
Ah, Death Cab. I have a feeling I’m going to get in trouble for putting you here and for choosing this album. I really feel that Ben Gibbard (and pals) is one of the best lyricists of our generation. This album to me is where Death Cab For Cutie reached their full potential. Partially I think that’s because Chris Walla discovered the joys of production, because without the production on this album, it would lose a lot. The analog tape hiss that links all the songs together is what I’m thinking of here, but also, songs trickle and fade into one another so subtly you don't even notice it half the time. Then there’s the songwriting, oh god the songwriting. The lyrics in these songs are all so poignant I could die, and the music fits them each. The song order is also done extremely well. I just…each of these songs on its own is a gem, but together they are stellar. Listening to this album always makes me feel as if I’m reading the best book ever written while drinking hot chocolate by a warm fire on a cloudy autumn day. Not to mention that I feel like Ben Gibbard was following me around watching my life and basing his lyrics off of it while writing this album.

Daft Punk – Homework
Daft Punk, and this album specifically, have helped guide a generation of electronica musicians. Why is Mylo so great? Why are Cut Copy good? Because they rip off Daft Punk. I could continue. This was a rare electronica artist that did have great crossover success, even in America. They were in a Gap ad, for god’s sake. There simply is nothing else that sounds like Homework. Once again the album is ruled by stellar production, and also a sheer dance-ability. These songs make you want to move. The bass line in Da Funk will destroy you. What’s amazing about this album is that its soundscapes are so sparse, yet incredibly, incredibly gripping. That’s difficult to achieve. Funk, hip hop, techno, it's all good! Truly an intelligent dance album. Though it’s not like any other IDM I’ve heard, and indeed, would never be labeled that.

Nine Inch Nails – The Fragile (Halo 14 Left)
I will be honest and say I’m pretty much completely unfamiliar with the rest of NIN’s catalogue. You know, everyone knows that I want to fuck you like an animal, but besides that…this album is great. And yes, I’m only naming this disc, but that’s because it blows the other one out of the water. This disc is a complete album. Trent Reznor is, once again, walking you through a story. And the great part about this album is that the instrumental, musical accompaniment walks along with us, demanding mood changes more insistently then the vocals or lyrics at time. The lyrics themselves are simple, but not in a cheap or corny way. They are pretty much brazenly honest, and that makes them powerful. In fact, this album is an ode, and these are some of the most beautiful love songs I've ever heard. And really, what is love but death and decay? There’s no posturing on this album. And oh yeah, the music from that fucking awesome 300 trailer? That would be track “Just Like You Imagined.” God I love this album. Anyway.

Mum – Finally We are No One
This album is just so pretty. mum were one of the pioneers of glitch, and in my opinion, this album is their best achievement. Listening to this album I get the feeling that I am viewing the world through the eyes of one goofy little person, or a child. But each song is a different mood of this person. It’s such a pretty, fanciful, but at times terrifying world that is depicted in this album, through both the music and the haunting vocals and nonsensical/dead-on lyrics. This album isn’t necessarily there to make sense or make a statement; it’s there to make your ears and your brain incredibly happy. It’s a listening experience as much as a sonic story. It’s delicate and beautiful and childhood in a jewel case (or an iPod, I guess).


HONORARY MENTION
The Clash – Combat Rock
When people say punk music this is the album I think of. The Clash were clearly a formative band in the punk movement, though this album definitely has a nice pop edge to it, which is probably why I loved it so much when I was in high school. It’s not just the lyrics or the sneer in the voice, but the musical accompaniment and the production. This album, especially on it’s songs that weren’t singles, is almost like a conversation. And we see some vocal sampling, experimenting with technology. Yay! Eat your heart out, Avril. This is how it’s done. This album is only honorary mention because, while a classic cornerstone and a cohesive unit, I don’t quite worship it like the previous albums.

Dntel – Early Works for Me if it Works for You
Okay, so maybe this album shouldn’t be here, but I love love love it. I think Jimmy Tamborello is a musical genius, and I wish he’d never made Life Is Full of Possibilities. That album led to the Postal Service and the Postal Service ruined him. Of all of his various incantations, I love IDM Jimmy the best. I don’t know how revolutionary this album was, but no one seems to know about it, so that’s why it’s honorary mention. Regardless, this album is brilliant. Sonically and storywise it is an album, despite actually being a colelction of random releases, and it is some of the best IDM I’ve ever heard in my life. Go drive somewhere desolate at night and listen to it. You’ll see what I mean. It some ways it reminds me of Aphex Twin, which brings me to...

Aphex Twin – Richard D. James Album
Okay. So perhaps even more than mum or Boards of Canada, Aphex Twin is the artist EVERYONE rips off. And I mean everyone. It’s almost impossible not to hear strains of Richard D. James’s influence in electronic music. I picked this album because I feel it’s his most famous and displays a wide array of his skills, but he’s so good at so many strains of electronica I just didn’t know what to pick. He owns all genres. Really, I’ve gotten stuck on this album and the Come to Daddy EP; I’ve barely scratched the surface of most of his catalogue. Also, I’m not so sure I can give him the “full album” credit I gave the previous albums. Sure they are amazing, amazing songs, but are they an album? I wish I could have picked the album “Melodies on Mars,” but we don’t know if it’s officially by him. I love it oodles though. But…just impossible. No list should ignore Aphex Twin, however. So here he is.

The Postal Service – Give Up
This is basically just here because I don’t know if I’ve ever had an emotional attachment to an album larger than this one. The Postal Service is pretty much THE reason I started listening to electronica, and I just remember listening to this album when it first came out and thinking about how I’d never heard something so good before. Something where the sound of the music itself was just as important as the words the people were singing. Plus, this album was both incredibly fun and heartbreakingly sad. A perfect marriage of Ben Gibbard’s gift for nuanced lyrics and Jimmy Tamborello’s ability to use certain soundscapes in order make you grit your teeth and to make your bones vibrate and your heart palpate. I lost my virginity to this album. I am that dorky. This album also pretty much single-handedly made indietronica the place to be, despite the fact that acts like The Notwist and Styrofoam had been toiling towards it or at it for years. It also ruined Jimmy Tamborello, who hasn’t done a good thing since. But oh well! This album is great!

Jimmy Eat World – Clarity
I like Jimmy Eat World and you will all shut-up and accept it. Of all the emo bands they are the best. The production and composition on this album is amazingly beautiful and freakin’ complicated, and the lyrics are appropriately heartbreaking and/or angry and/or happy without being overdone. It’s an album for falling in love, and those are rare. It’s down on the list because it’s not so ground-breaking in that I don’t think many artists tried to imitate it. It is ground-breaking in that it’s good emo, but that’s another story. It’s also down because while it is definitely a cohesive piece and constructed and executed as an album it’s doesn’t have that sense of completeness or storytelling that the other albums have.

Sufjan Stevens – Illinois
This one is just obvious. My favorite album by Stevens is actually Seven Swans, but I know this one is better. Sufjan Stevens owns all other pretentious hyper-literate indie rockers in the face. Conor Oberst and that guy from The Decembrists go home and cut themselves every night because they’re not Sufjan Stevens. He’s also the hottest of them all, and the only one that looks good wearing giant butterfly wings. The only reason he’s only honorary mention is because I couldn’t justify putting Seven Swans in the first group, and because, while I adore Illinois and this it is a work of unprecedented genius, I don’t love it enough to put it up there. But here it is. Because leaving it off would have been a crime.

Hot Chip – The Warning
Another album that’s here pretty much because I love it. It’s just so different from anything else out there. Listening to is makes me almost sick inside with how right it sounds. But it’s so weird sounding. But it all makes sense. I love the production and the way the bass in some songs makes my subs purr. But I don’t know if I can ever listen to this album again after seeing Hot Chip live. So much better live. And, while this album is cohesive, it tends to lack a story.

The Go Find – Miami
Okay. This album is so pretty, listenable, and well-produced that it’s insane. The lyrics are also beautiful. This is a band who does indietronica better than Postal Service because it is just…better. More nuanced, more desperate. So underrated. But I’m glad the tweens haven’t found it yet. It’s still mine. This is another album that’s low down because it lacks a cohesive vision. Also, I doubt it’s hard much of an impact on anyone other than those cool enough to listen to it.

Third Eye Blind – Third Eye Blind
For a sucky late-1990s alternative release, this album is actually really fucking good. The lyrics are fucking great; every single song is catchy without being annoying and like…shit this album is dark. And deep. And emotional. And well-written. And well-produced. It reminds me of Rilo Kiley in that there is that angry rawness present on a recording, which is really, really heard to capture without sounding contrived. But it’s here. I think there are a lot of artists today who probably listened to this album and fucking loved it. The band's fan base is actually still huge, and they still sell out shows. And that’s because this album is awesome, though not revolutionary. Also, Stephan Jenkins makes up for his iffy voice with his stunning hotness. Shut-up. He is hot.

The Shins – Chutes Too Narrow
This is an amazing collection of songs. But I would argue that it’s not an album, but instead a bunch of songs stuck on a CD. But, that said, it is a collection of some of the most amazing songs ever written, and I love them forever. FOREVER.

LCD Soundsystem – Sound of Silver
This album is here because I think it’s an emblematic scene record. It’s amazing, it’s deceivingly addictive and sublime, it’s intelligent and danceable, it’s electronica and live instruments, it’s boring and it’s captivating. I am willing to bet money this album becomes a classic. But right now it’s only a critical darling, so it’s not up there yet. But when music goes through its next cycle of pop dominance and indie resurgence, the new indie artists are going to list this album as a huge influence. And we will all be happy. I just don’t know if LCD Soundsystem is doing anything all that original here. They’re doing something amazing to listen to but…original? Dance-punk is just the new new wave. But this album is still freakin’ sweet. And more cohesive then the first, which, while awesome, was just a bunch of songs slapped together.

Justin Timberlake – FutureSex/LoveSounds
Basically I had to put this here because it’s the most recent example of pop done right. And because Jay Tim is my BF and I had to give him a shout-out. I just wish the songs that lacked the 80’s throwback synth aesthetic on this album could be deleted and replaced with other, better songs. Then this album would be a complete album and maybe even a work of art instead of just really fucking sweet.


And that’s my list. Now you can rip it apart as you see fit. But just know that I am ready to throw down, AND to insult your momma. And that’s no joke.

this mix took me 11 months to make, and really, i'm still not sure it's done. i'm all not sure of the title. "all for you" would also work. but. this mix details the final end of an "epic" love. the story of the relationship is spelled out through the majority of my previous mixes. but this time when it ended, and i am the one who ended it this time, it ended for good. 11 months ago. when a relationship that intense finally ends, it’s really weird, and that’s the kind of feeling i tried to capture in this mix. so without further ado, here is the story the tracklist attempts to tell:

tracklist:

1: Death Cab for Cutie - Title Track
2: The Go Find - Summer Guest
3: Jimmy Eat World - No Sensitivity (acoustic)
4: The One AM Radio - Buried Below
5: Red House Painters - Songs For A Blue Guitar
6: My Brightest Diamond - gone away
7: Elliot Smith - White Lady Loves You More
8: Dntel - Umbrella
9: Nine Inch Nails - Hurt
10: Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You
11: Amy Millan - Baby I
12: Rilo Kiley - My Slumbering Heart
13: The Album Leaf - Always For You
14: Broken Social Scene - Anthems For A Seventeen Year Old Girl
15: The Radio Dept. - Strange Things Will Happen
16:Bjork - All Is Full Of Love
*180 seconds of silence*
17: The Shins - Pink Bullets

1//: this song is appropriate for a variety of reasons. firstly, this album is one of the ones he and i listened to a lot, years ago, when we were first falling in love, and this particular song tells the story of how we fell in love very well, almost down to specific, especially the detail of the cigarette. the idea of rushing things despite better judgment pertains to not only the very beginning, but every time we got back together. also, the line about trips into the guest room fits, because when he lived with me that he is where he and i would sleep. you're ruined from the beginning.

2//: this song is about still loving someone but being incredibly frustrated with them. it’s their selfishness. they want you to do everything for them, but they’re not willing to help you fix things. it eventually turns to a base plea, “all that i want is to make you come.” this could also be him singing to me that he WON’T provide the emotional support i’m asking for, and is only interested in the sex. but it's also me singing to him, about how all i want is for things to work, my head hurts, i don't know what's wrong, and i want to fix it, but i can't do it alone. the relationship is in disgusting shambles. this is the awesome "most painful" stage.

3//: and finally it ends. the frustrated, angry break-up, probably in the car or somewhere else stupid. once again, i’m not sure quite who’s berating who here. that sense of intense betrayal and just being…beyond pissed, “i want my kisses back from you.” the line about the world not spinning without you is definitely my barb to him, because he definitely thought the world revolved around him and the massive ego was just too much. definitely meant to be spiteful.

4//: now we have the, “i am going to throw away everything you own stage.” the fact that in the song everything is packed in a car and shoved into the lake makes it really final. and then this song once again attacks him for running away from everything, and ends with the lament, “so tired.” because i was so tired.

5//: now you are alone and you are tired and sad and depressed. you have turned away the pictures so that you won’t have to remember. the line about coats not being on the rack is once again startlingly specific, because it was always a big deal to him that i hang up my jacket wherever i was, and i am terrible at doing this. then, seeing his face full of blame is also specific. because even though he was really the jerk in the relationship, and we both know it, ending it with him was a huge blow to his ego, and in the end, he always had to blame me because admitting he was wrong would be actually examining himself…and he was such a douche bag that probably would have been pretty devastating for him.

6//: now you’re not so much quietly depressed as frantic. i was waiting by the phone, even though i knew he wouldn’t call. i did feel abandoned by him, that he didn’t say good-bye. that he didn’t care and didn’t love me. there is the fake out where she chants, “get me off, get me off,” which at first to me sounded like a plea for orgasm, which fit in nicely with the sex theme of the mix. but then the follow up, which is really a claim to get off “the ride to nowhere,” is a nice little twist, because in the end, you want to get off this awful, painful ride. but you still keep those pieces of paper. the ones you didn't push into the lake, that is.

7//: now anger and bitterness sets in. this person did go through a major cokehead phase, he was an alcoholic; he did have a drug problem. and it’s not just that the white lady loved him more, it was that he loved the white lady more. the previous song hinted at the intense bitterness stage, and here it is. if someone's cheating on you, it's never really with another person, but with their vices.

8//: this guy also turned into a total yuppie tool, and once again, i broke up with him because he left me for this lifestyle. so here is the warning: the city you long for, it doesn’t love you. you think these people care, they don’t. wrapping yourself in highways could refer to a car accident, which is appropriate because this guy was always totaling cars because driving fast because being drunk is super cool! if you turn the city upside down, it’s going to rain down crap upon you that is worse than what you are supposedly running from.

9//: now you dip back into that incredible pain you’re feeling. this breakup also coincided with me dumping all of my other awful friends and starting all over, so i was completely alone and completely disappointed in everyone i knew. and i hurt myself for a long time by becoming a stoner again. not as bad as heroin i know, but still. the anger and hurt were eating me and then i started abusing myself. bad times.

10//: i miss you so much. i would give up anything to be with you. the second verse…is really what he is telling himself i think. he was sacrificing SO MUCH to be with me, even though i literally kept him alive for a long time. i don’t know. but, “i’ll never know the man who loved me.” i also like the line about giving clothes to the lonely. this probably isn't the intended meaning, but in the context of the mix i read it as he gave over his image to the lonely, hollow people he surrounded himself with so that they could make him over. his ghost, his soul, same thing.

11//: and now…i am not going out, i will never, ever get over you. this secret is almost admitted in a coy way though. i’m not doing so good, but you know that, i’m depressed, but you know that. but…at least i can admit it, and even to you. whereas you can’t even admit it to yourself.

12//: now memories. he and i did play baseball in the mountains, all the time. am i asleep or awake? we slept in twin beds. my face in the mirror looks haggard. when you don't have someone to tell you you're pretty, you do stand in the mirror and look for it, even if you are pretty. and i am doing fine since you left, but in truth, and in a need to insist it. this song is both a plea and an assertion. the anger is back, but at this point, you can allow yourself to remember, and to feel the truth of this assertion, even if you struggle with it.

13//: and now there is a sense of freedom. i can really admit that everything i did was for you, out of pure, unselfish love. it always was. can’t you just be okay with that? it makes me so sad. but i am glad i did it, no matter what, no matter the decay.

14//: this title is so great, because he is a seventeen year old girl. i liked you because you were one of the rotten ones, different, but then you turned into a shallow faker, like all the people you used to fight. go out, get drunk, pass out, and dream of me, in spite of yourself. i listen to this song and smile.

15//: suddenly i have days that are okay. where he really can’t touch me. and it’s strange because who knew it was possible, but i finally let them happen.

16//: i’m not sure if this song is to me or him. i think it’s both. there will be love, and it might not be where you’re looking, but it is come. you just have to let yourself see it. and it’s just love from people, it’s from places.

17//: i had to include this song because i felt like it’s a perfect summary of the whole mix, but i put it after a silent pause because it is separate from the song by song narrative. we started out young, and we were so different from all the “brutes” around us. yes, we really did run and play in the fields, and it was beautiful. and the memories hurt, but i want to remember them, unlike you who i know suppresses them. yes, we got tied into knots, and yes we cut the strings, and yes it hurts and is sad, but i feel like, in this context, the end of the song is liberation. my kite is free, from yours, finally, and even if it means coming down from “such great heights,” i am free. and i can always launch my kite again. but this time not all tangled.

and this is the end.

okay. so, some of you loyal readers may remember a mix that i started making back in JUNE which was intended to narrate my latest and final break-up with my boyfriend of three years. i stalled out that at about four songs, and since have advanced two, the latest of which came today thanks to my discovery of My Brightest Diamond, via a recommendation by colin meloy in rolling stone. i know, i am THAT cool. anyway, i'm pretty happy with my (6 song) mix so far, but i still need help. previous recommendations definitely yielded some great songs, but none of them have fit into the narrative that i'm constructing now, but instead will probably fit in later.

so, to recap, here are the songs i have so far, in order of appearance in the tracklist:

1. Title Track

lyrics:

Left uninspired by the crust of railroad earth that touched the lead to the pages of yout manuscript.
I took my thumb off the concrete and saved up all my strength to hammer pillars for a picket fence.
It wasn't quiet what it seemed... a lack of pleasantries (my able body isn't what it used to be).
I must admist i was charmed by your advances... your advantage left me helplessly into you.
Talking how the group had begun to splinter and i could taste your lipstick on the filter...
I tried my best to keep my distance from your dress but call-response overturns conviction every time.
My memory cannot recall... a wave of alcohol we shared a cigarette and shaved the hours off.
Lushing with the hallway concregation, my best judgement signed its resignation.
I rushed this.
We moved too fast, and tripped into the guestroom.

how it fits the narrative:
this describes the very, very beginning of the relationship. messy, passionate, full of cigarettes, and probably a very, very bad idea. we moved too fast indeed.

2. Summer Guest

lyrics:
breakthrough
how are you doing today?
our answers
all of your questions, insane
oh no, no...

our history seems to repeat
all the answers i stored
i can't understand what's wrong
my head hurts

i hold your hand
i whisper all of your dreams
i breathe in the air
that you breathe out night

oh,
all that i want is to make you come
no, i can't take control of all your words
no, i can't take control of all your moods
(this is where i wanna be, 55 years from now)
say, say you don't wanna be part of it
(this is where we gotta be, 55 years from now)

(this is where i wanna be
this is where i gotta be)

maybe you can figure that i'm not into that
how can i can i ?
i disobeyed it all
never lose control of all of your sweet dreams
?
all the words you whispered silently and sweet
i don't think i know
how to let it go
i don't think i know

oh, all that i want is to make you come
no, i can't take control of all your words
no, i can't take control of all your moods
say, say you don't wanna be part of this
(this is where i wanna be 55 years from now)

oh, all that i want is to make you come
(this is where i gotta be 55 years from now)
no, i can't take control of all your words
(this is where i wanna be 55 years from now)
no, i can't take control of all your moods
(this is where i gotta be 55 years from now)

(this is where i wanna be
this is where i gotta be)

i should try to make things better but, i'm not the only one
we should try to make things better but, we're not the only ones
i should try to make things better, but i'm not the only one
we should try to make things better but, we're not the only ones

how it fits the narrative:
a nice little desperate i'm madly in love with you, but everything is falling apart anthem. not knowing how to let it go. being asked to take complete control of someone else's shitty life and not being able to. just wanting at least to be able to get this off. a plea for fixing the relationship, but it can't happen alone, or even together.

3. No Sensitivity (acoustic)

lyrics
Well I've got my car,
we could go and sit a while.
I know it won't turn over,
but we'll get somewhere just the same.
Now honey, I'm through talking
(it's the strangest thing, but I feel safe when I'm lonely)
don't take too much
you'll get burned if it's all at one time.

the world don't spin without you,
i'm amazed you're standing still,
taking my kisses back from you,
i want my kisses back from you.
and no your problems they aren't problems,
so be glad they never will
i'm taking my kisses back from you,
i want my kisses back from you.

take it easy.
don't you get it?
it's just an expression.
would you raise your voice every time a little dirt gets under?
cry if you want
(it's the return of no sensitivity)
you don't have to scream to say something that you honestly mean.

the world don't spin without you,
i'm amazed you're standing still,
taking my kisses back from you,
i want my kisses back from you.
and no your problems they aren't problems,
so be glad they never will
i'm taking my kisses back from you,
i want my kisses back from you.

when you hear those footsteps calling
isn't it obvious, isn't it obvious?
it's O.K. if you don't answer
i thought it was obvious,
i thought it was obvious.

the world don't spin without you,
i'm amazed you're standing still,
taking my kisses back from you,
i want my kisses back from you.
and no your problems they aren't problems,
thank god they never will, never will.
i'm taking my kisses back from you,, kisses back from you, you, you.
i want my kisses back from you...

how it fits the narrative:
the break-up!!! and yes, i've had insane car fights and i think probably car break-ups. i think the song kind of speaks for itself. and it's nice and bitter. and though i did the dumping, i felt like the one who was dumped. douche bag.

4. Buried Below

lyrics:
packed everything you had into the car.
rolled the whole thing into the lake.
now there's nothing left to tie you to this place, except a heavy, sinking ache.

the water's surface settled down again,
with one more secret buried below.
that's one more life you've lived and left behind,
but it gets no easier to let go.

running is the one thing that you've always known just how to do.
running is the one thing that you've always known just how to do.
(so tired, so tired)
the trouble up ahead might not be as bad as what's waiting here for you.

how it fits the narrative:
the bitterness after the break-up, the complete and total destruction of all memories. not wanting to turn back. and the accusations of being a frightened pussy who runs frmo everything. so true, oh so true. the bitterness hurt and anger emerges in full force! pushing a car full of crap into a lake is pretty much owning the status as the ex.

5. Songs For A Blue Guitar

lyrics:
When everything we felt fails
then some music, soft and distant sails.
But it don't sound like it did before.
Then I know I'm left with nothing more
than my...own...soul.

When pretty pictures face back,
but your coats aren't hanging on the rack,
and blue water turns to,
a place that I can't get to.
A place...that I...can't.

In a room all I feel
is the cold that you left.
Through the air all I see
is your face full of blame.
What's left to see?
What's there to see?

In the room all I feel
is the cold that you left.
Through the air all I see
is your face full of blame.
What's left to see?
What's left to see?
What's left to see?
What's left to see?

how it fits the narrative:
yay depression! yay feelings of abandonment! yay the air being colder cause there's no one to cuddle with! yay feeling like there's nothing to live for! yay seeing someone's accusatory face in your mind, even though they were the douchbag! the part about coats hanging on the rack was especially nice.

6. Gone Away

lyrics:
Far away, you've gone
And left me here
So cold without you
So lonely, dear

May, June, July
I count the time
Every minute I go
Takes a smell of your clothes
Further away

Because you've gone away
Where there isn't a telephone wire
Still I wait by the phone
You don't even write to say goodbye
Goodbye

I have saved every piece of paper
Like grocery lists and notecards
To-do lists and race scores
So just in case you change your mind
And come back
I've kept everything the same

While you're gone away
Where there isn't a telephone wire
Still I wait by the phone
You don't even write to say goodbye
Goodbye

Get me out, get me off
Get me out, get me off
For this is a ride going nowhere
But somewhere that I despise
Going nowhere to end up with a tearful eye
Don't want to go on
With these pieces of paper that you've left behind

For this is a ride going nowhere
But somewhere that I despise
Going nowhere to end up with a tearful eye
Don't want to go on
With these pieces of paper to keep me company
In my old age

While you're gone away
Where there isn't a telephone wire
Still I wait by the phone
Why don't you write?
To say goodbye

Goodbye.

how it fits the narrative:
this is real depression. this is the HOLY CRAP i miss you stage. where it hits you like a brick in the stomach. wanting a phone call that you know is not coming. you're holding onto everything, but you really fucking want to move on. you know, kind of like how i'm sure some of you are thinking...six months on this mix? girl, you be crazy. but letting go of someone you loved that much is so, so hard. and them just abandoning you cold turkey is ridiculously painful and confusing and yeah. hopefully this song kind of speaks for itself.

7. White Lady Loves You More

lyrics:
keep your things in a place meant to hide
but i know they're there somewhere
and i know that's where you'll go tonight
i'll be thrown over just like before
the white lady loves you more
need a metal man just to pick up your feet
it's a long time since you cared enough for me to even be discrete
i know what this metal is for
the white lady loves you more
i'm looking at a hand full of broken plans
and i'm tired of playing it down
you just want her to do anything for you
there ain't nothing that you won't allow
you wake up in the middle of the night
from a dream you won't remember flashing on like a cop's light
you say she's waiting and i know what for
the white lady loves you more
the white lady

how it fits the narrative:
oh this song is great. cause this guy was a major cokehead, and one of the major reasons he didn't want to be with me is cause i didn't live my life to get drunk and sleep with a lot of random hos. i wasn't willing to play, "who can catch the most stds in the fastest and have the most drunk driving accidents, duis, and lose the most jobs as a result of my drug habits." by the way, he won that contest with at least 1, 2, 1, and 1. indeed, i'm sure he's out snorting, smoking, drinking, or injecting something while scratching at his herpes right now. yay!

so what now?
here's where i am stopped. i'm trying to think of where i'd like the narrative to go. perhaps the next song should be kind of introspective soul-searching. perhaps it should be angry. i'm thinking of
i never loved you by Jennifer O'Conner perhaps. or a song about getting piss drunk and either sitting at home crying or going out and making a complete fool of yourself.

the narrative of the mix, after hitting rock bottom, will of course involve some sort of epiphany and then climb upward. acceptance. and then, my lovely favorite, If I Don't Return by Dntel is somthing i'd really like to include. it's a short little song whose lyrics basically go, "if i don't return (i won't) you'll be fine." which is ultimately my testament to hime. cause in the end, you know he's the more fucked up one. and after all, i ended it, and my pride, if nothing else, will not allow me to go back. that and i'm not a fucking retard. so yeah. suggestions for any part of that narrative would be lovely. and like i said, i appreciate prior help.the white lady loves you moreWhite Lady Loves You MoreThe White Lady Loves You MoreElliott SmithEliot Smith

i desperately need your assistance. i need the best of the best of songs that convey one or more of these messages both lyrically and musically:

- i fucking hate you
- i'm leaving you
- i'll never get over you
- i'm fucking over you
- i'm so much happier since you're gone


go!!