24, Masculino, Estados UnidosÚltima visita: 3 horas atrás

129069 execuções desde 5 Mar 2007 (Reiniciado em 27 Jun 2008)

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  • humbrella

    WHY do you keep asking about my physical imperfections? You won't just let me pretend I'm perfect! Luckily no broken capillaries (yet) and I'm already good at covering pink tones in my skin with makeup, so I won't be looking ruddy-faced for a while. Hah, I'm a bit more subtle with the doll stuff than overdrawn eyes and pink cheeks. That would look tragic on someone my age. Well, it wouldn't be the same thing every day! Obviously you'd have to be clever about timetabling which days are work days so you can earn enough money. I just spend a lot of days doing nothing until I get ready to go out for the night, so why not cut out all the nothing time? I'm going to look for a really basic job to start off with just so I have some money while I'm getting experience in psych-related fields. There's an internship at a drug/alcohol rehab centre I've been meaning to do for years but never have because I was so busy with uni. Should get a working with children certificate and stuff as well.

    24 Nov 2h11 Responder
  • fyrii

    I use Google Music because I can access it from all of my devices. I also never liked how much of a resource hog iTunes was. the only thing I don't like about Google Music is the inability to burn CDs. again, it's not such a big deal in my new car, because I stream from my phone and then use the Bluetooth to listen. I've never mixed sodas at the fountain and I don't dare. my first choice is usually iced tea, followed by Pepsi and Sprite.

    23 Nov 19h49 Responder
  • fyrii

    yeah, it scrobbles pretty much anything that plays media. I just always forget to disable it when I'm watching embarrassing videos on YouTube. it's also like $150. so not only does it taste like shit, but it's expensive. and they mixed it with several other liquors, too. makes my stomach turn thinking about it.

    22 Nov 22h16 Responder
  • humbrella

    Mostly as a preventative thing because I'm scared of premature aging and I have alcoholism to contend with. Lol I keep imagining it making me feel more lifeless and doll-like, but it'd probably end up looking really weird, you're right. I'm lucky when it comes to crow's feet because my face doesn't crease there in the first place. Don't you think it'd be more time-efficient to have shorter days? There wouldn't be any free time available for procrastination, faffing about in between classes, etc. You just wake up, have your one thing to do for the day, sleep, repeat. Is there an area in which you do have an interest? I'd love to go back later on, once I've grown up a bit and found some stability. I need a new job too now that my tutoring thing at the indigenous centre has finished for the year. Yeah, I can't say I've ever been called out for saying something controversial like that. Oh, some of them were fucked up when I sent that, you'll just have to take my word for it.

    21 Nov 18h16 Responder
  • fyrii

    oh shit, that scrobbled? now that I use Google Music, I have to use the Chrome extension that enables browser scrobbling. turns out that beer actually tastes pretty bad.

    19 Nov 4h26 Responder
  • humbrella

    A longer life with slower aging, of course! I need to botox the hell out of my face already. Longer days don't really appeal to me because that would give me more time (and therefore more to do) before I get to sleep. Oh, I wasn't researching that for my thesis. My supervisor was in psychophysiology, so I had to stick within his area of expertise and ended up with an inhibitory training project. I probably would have lasted longer if I'd been doing what I was really passionate about. As far as neuropsych, my only experience is as a research assistant for a study on hippocampal reductions in cannabis users, but that cannabis (and other substance abuse)/schizophrenia/schizotypy path is the one I'd have gone down if I'd finished this year. Yeah, it's like there are good reasons to question something, and then there are the people making everyone else look crazy by nitpicking and reaching for things to complain about. I stay out of it mostly. And hey, what's going on with those timestamps?

    19 Nov 3h04 Responder
  • humbrella

    So stressful trying to decide what to do with your life, particularly if you don't have much faith in yourself and you're already burnt out. Meanwhile, time slips away... That's how it is for me, anyway. I'm interested in tracking the personality changes associated with drug use (both acute and chronic) on a neural level. A lot of that has to do with schizophrenia research, which was something I got into after what happened to my friend, but you're right that my longtime fascination with drugs is a major influence as well. RCs aren't marked up, they remain dirt cheap because you buy in bulk and it works out to be just a few cents per dose. Plus, you're making them out to be nasty people set to rip everyone off. They're nicer than that - once I was sent my stuff in a really cute card that said, 'Enjoy your research! ;)' That was back when it was easier to get it through customs. Yeah, she just puts her foot in her mouth. All this scrutiny online can be both a good and a bad thing.

    17 Nov 5h26 Responder
  • humbrella

    Yeah, a PhD candidate spot. He wants to be a sports psychologist, so another research degree isn't necessary. Plus he hates research and we're all so sick of being at school our whole lives. I'd totally take a doctorate if someone just handed me one! Even if it was in something I know nothing about, like engineering. I went with psych because it's so interdisciplinary and makes better use of my limited skill set. I actually did a few weeks of chemistry as a first year elective, but changed to a linguistics class because my lab supervisor really intimidated me. Only things I stole then were chloroform and ether. Overseas vendors just don't like Australian customs, but there are domestic sellers. Ah yes, The Dresden Dolls are one of those bands I've liked since I was fourteen or whatever and am still attached to, even if Amanda is kind of a dick. (Why listen to music for the people behind it, anyway?) Piano/keyboard is just my favourite instrument in general. What's yours?

    16 Nov 5h15 Responder
  • humbrella

    Why did you bother? Only thing research papers are good for is finding bits of jargon that would make for fun band names. Tell me about it, my friend was offered a PhD the other day and he turned it down. Nerd because I used a reagent test kit, wrote pill reports, kept Naloxone handy, followed the 'LSD: What's going around Sydney?' thread, etc. No database, but one summer I was sticking my used acid tabs to ripped bits of cracker box and writing the date. The RCs I'm using at the moment are 25I-NBOMe and DOC. There are others I like, but I'm always nervous about ordering, not that overseas vendors still sell to us. Speaking of selling, I sold the guitar and amp a few years later to someone my Dad works with because yeah, I don't have a lot of patience for things that don't come naturally. Sex, drugs, and dark cabaret. Not much of a ring to it. Why are you certain I'd make it? Are you some kind of Nostradamus? Or you're a recording industry bigwig and this is how you scout for talent.

    14 Nov 9h10 Responder
  • humbrella

    Your mind may not be, but mine's exactly like that. Actually, it's more of a dark shrivelled thing shaking in the corner and beating its head against the wall until it bleeds. Why are you always trying to send me back to school? I'm not writing you an essay or learning from my mistakes ever! My classmates would be horrible if they were all there for the same thing. There's no real reasoning, it's just curiosity and I'm a bit of a drug nerd. I guess I did discover some favourites that way - if I hadn't experimented with research chems, I wouldn't have found a lot that I still use today. When did you get your guitar? I got one when I was thirteen, but then it was like, 'Wait, what? I'm not good at this instantly? This won't end well,' and I quit three weeks later. I'm not very sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll if I can't even play guitar! I'd like to learn piano properly, though. Once I finish up with my sex and drugs.

    14 Nov 1h17 Responder
  • humbrella

    I'm doing it because I'm passionately invested in your misery. Why else would I be interested in your decrepit mental state? Because I relate? God, no! It sure is a double-edged sword - it happens to me a lot in life, where I get lucky, avoid the consequences of my actions, and never learn my lesson. I've ticked pretty much everything off, including a lot of research chemicals. I've even done gross stuff just for the novelty, like GHB, ether, literally eating a cactus, etc. Xanax is something I only got around to this year because prescription drug abuse just isn't as big here. Do you have any hobbies? I don't think I do. Aw man, I guess you read that shout before I deleted the last line. I thought I should be a little less crass and stop reminding people of my fucked up sex or it might start looking like that's all I think about...

    12 Nov 15h20 Responder
  • humbrella

    I'll have to talk it down a bit, then. The free buses are usually running late, so you'll be standing there like a dickhead for 20 mins before two arrive at the same time. Maybe they're always late because no one's fired this guy yet! Haha, my whole family is repressed like that. We get on really well, but it's all banter and we never get too serious. Works in my favour because it means everyone politely ignores the evidence of my lifestyle choices and I can be secretive. Um, I was on shrooms at a street festival thing on Sunday, but I didn't lose anything. We did gain some strange Irish punks and took them back to our friends' afterparty. Yeah, I'm actually jealous of him - not for his insomnia, that seems frustrating, but for how productive he is all the time and how he won't let himself be idle. I wonder if that's happier. I don't know, maybe I suck the sleep out of other people when I need to stay awake long periods of time and that's why you're always sleepy.

    11 Nov 8h46 Responder
  • ichbinjon

    good point. i'm so naive *sigh*

    10 Nov 11h34 Responder
  • humbrella

    There's also free buses that show up every 10 mins and run a loop of the city. Both those and the quiet carriages are pretty new. The bus driver eventually returned and my final thesis was that he'd gone to put in his order at a cafe and he'd pick it up when it was ready on his next lap. These friends came along at just the right time, years ago when my oldest friend developed schizophrenia and another killed himself. I'd told myself to never make friends again, but these horrible people came forcing their way into my affection and proved to be good at giving me space while also keeping in contact. And yes, for an introvert, I really enjoy social occasions. It's good to have things to look forward to and I always have an adventure. Sleep is the best, I definitely spend more than 1/3 of life in bed. I just find it hard when I'm sober or anxious and my brain goes haywire. My partner has fully blown insomnia so I don't sleep when he stays over, either. Why do you think you get so tired?

    10 Nov 5h54 Responder
  • ichbinjon

    damn, you caught me red-handed (pun intended)

    9 Nov 18h18 Responder
  • ichbinjon

    plot twist: my family are dead, and we are mere strangers

    9 Nov 14h36 Responder
  • ichbinjon

    hey, thanks for accepting my request!

    9 Nov 4h23 Responder
  • humbrella

    Ah, public transport. I always jump on a train when I want to make awkward eye contact with strangers and suffer the conversation of drunk teenagers who won't get out of the quiet carriage. Lol the other day I was on a bus and the driver pulled up to a stop, got out, and ran into the distance with no explanation. I hope he just realised he left the oven on. I wish isolation helped me be more responsible, but it's an escapism thing for me where I avoid having to think about the real world. I'm just lucky to have people around who like me enough to seek me out and maintain my social life for me. Have you ever had insomnia? You're right about roleplaying videos - I find they're difficult to get into. I guess I could just rely on blue hair to set me apart because that's always good for tricking people into thinking I'm unique. I'm glad you're doing better at thinking less negatively.

    8 Nov 16h46 Responder
  • humbrella

    How do you stay out of your thoughts? Isn't it weird what solitude can do to you? I like to spend a good deal of time alone and I don't get lonely, but all this isolating myself hasn't been good for my anxiety/paranoia/eccentricity/etc. Mm, I guess I find it hard to believe that I'm so far gone that my self-appraisal isn't accurate. Surely depression isn't tricking me into thinking I'm a bit rubbish. Yeah, I do! That's an odd coincidence, but it's getting really popular. I'm kind of picky about ASMRtists and sometimes think about making my own videos. I do get a lot of compliments on my voice. Do you just listen or do you have visual triggers too? Ugh, I lose all my music every few years because I never get around to backing up. This was an external hard drive storing all the music I've ever liked and it was really well organised and perfectly tagged, too. I've been really slow about getting it all back because it seems like so much effort.

    6 Nov 7h00 Responder
  • humbrella

    Are you an over-thinker too? I have similarly shit self-esteem, but I love and hate myself at the same time, so that's nice and confusing. It's frustrating to think of how limiting it is to doubt yourself and the opportunities you've ruined again and again. And then you're like, 'How much of this is depression and how much is it me being a piece of shit?' What did she do? She made me get her mail the other day. It was horrible. Oh, she loves her wine! I see the empty casks she litters off her balcony. Also the po-po are always here for her and no one knows why. Why three police vans for one little old lady? Yeah, if I didn't have an addictive personality to start, my brain has definitely rewired itself over the years. It's especially bad when I run out of weed, but I've found ASMR helps me relax at those times. I'm still re-downloading stuff I lost in the Great Hard Drive Crash of 2014, so more familiar stuff will probably show up because you seem to like a lot of the same artists.

    5 Nov 4h28 Responder
  • Todas as 1166 mensagens

Sobre mim

and that's all i have to say about that