Segunda-feira 8 Set 2008, 12h:31

So the VMAs were mostly a total flop this year, in my opinion, but then again, who cares? Who really fucking cares about the VMAs anymore? But I digress…

The host, Russell Brand, was, in my friend Manuel's words "the saving grace". Brought over from the UK in a no doubt attempt to inject a little vitality into a dead and obsolete award ceremony, he did his job.

From what I hear he's done the VMAs before, in the UK, and actually got fired because of some sort of shenanigans (we can only guess, but my guess is it had something to do with his cock). His jokes were funnier and more daring, and the way he went after The Jonas Brothers was playful and punctual (suffice to say, they weren't happy) and he dealt with Jordan Sparks' little uninspired quip nicely. And then Perez at the end getting all high and mighty about not liking Russell and loving the Jonas Brothers. SOMEBODY TELL ME ONE MORE TIME WHY PEREZ WAS EVEN INVITED?! And am I the only one who has noticed that lately he had his balls removed? I was surprised that more swords weren't drawn throughout the evening, but then again, every celebrity's publicist was probably holding their clients hands and feet down, knowing the outcome would be much like Tom Cruise's little water-squirting mic mishap.

Now, Russell wasn't alone in trying to resuscitate this silly little piece of Americana. Rihanna put on a great opening performance, and her duet with T.I. was fabulous. Her outfits were great too, I don't think I saw her out of costume the entire night (not that there were many cuts to audience members…besides the Jonas brothers and Britney Spears).

Another absolutely FABULOUS performance came from a group I don't listen to (either) but wasn't expecting at all. Paramore absolutely rocked! The lead singer impressed me thoroughly with her ability to sing and head bang at the same time (seriously, people underestimate the effect of good mic-moving abilities).

I only caught snippets of Katy Perry's performances of "Like a Virgin" (I liked where she was going with it) and "Kissed a Girl" (heard it so much…I couldn't care less), and The Ting Tings (thumbs up, but wtf was up with the random drum? It seemed weird in this setting…just let the drummer take care of it, darling).

Christina Aguilera was okay, but I was expecting more…she wasn't any fun in this…seemed angry, not into it. Idk, maybe it's just me, you decide, I've heard yay and nay from different sources.

P!NK, as far as I'm concerned, totally fucking dropped the ball. I mean, that whole "I'm walking through the city, kicking things and blowing shit up" didn't earn her any badass points. Also, it looked way too staged. The broken mirror and window…the fire escape railing…all looked way too fake. I'm also not a fan of song choice. Did she get in a fight with Linda Perry and no longer doing good songs? Seriously, this song did nothing to show off her vocal skills. There was about 20 seconds of good singing in it, when she was singing to one of the guys in the band (the guitarist I believe). I'm a P!NK fan, but I'm not a fan of this performance. Nice outfit though, I'll give her that. Even if it didn't have any pants.

Kanye West I'm not a fan of, I think he's an uptight little man…but his performance was up to par. As was Lil Wayne feat. so and so feat. also another so and so. I was kinda scared/hoping his pants would just fall off already though.

SIDE NOTE: Did you notice how almost everyone and their mother can't do a fucking video/song without a collaboration these days?? It's ridiculous! I'm all for them, I love a good duet/group sing-a-long, but geez…at one point I started really checking it out, and I think everyone for best hip-hop video except Mary J. Blige had a "feat." subtitle. Mary was also the only female in the category…which isn't surprising. She's also better than most of the competition (it's silly to even call them that) but America isn't really all that great at realizing things like this, especially when the voting is based on cell phone texting. Gag me.

I am happy for Tokio Hotel though, they were so adorable. That's all I'm saying about that…

Oh gosh…and then there was Britney…and I didn't really realize this until my friend Manny mentioned it, but her wins seem like pity VMAs…because of all the shit in her life. It's interesting…and I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, it's not fair, she wasn't the best there…but on the other hand…who cares? Let the girl smile! hahaha, so I guess I'm going Switzerland on this one.

And I think that's about it. None of you read this probably, but if you did, I thank you :] It's always fun to voice my opinion on a music-related subject. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not a music journalist.

Peace out.