goonerphil

As cute as a bunny rabbit dipped in chocolate.

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Gooner update:

Last game: Premier League, 16th December 2009
Burnley 1 v 1 Arsenal
- Arsenal scorers: Fabregas

- Phil's location: At home, trying to follow on radio
- Refreshments: None !!



Next match: Premier League, 19th December 2009
Arsenal v Hull City


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WORDS OF ADVICE:

Always remember....
Time flies like the wind.... but fruit flies like bananas !


And here's a top tip...
The next time you paint your living room ceiling, paint it a darker shade to the walls, that way it will appear lower. Then when you come to re-paint, you won't need stepladders.

Though that's not a problem for me as I already have a step-ladder.... my real ladder left home when I was just a kid !


URGENT ADVICE REQUIRED..
... I received an envelope through the door this morning marked "DO NOT BEND". How am I supposed to pick it up off of the mat ?


Q&As:

Q. Why are pirates called "pirates" ?
A. They just Aarrgghhhhh !

Q. What does someone with two left feet wear on the beach ?
A. Flip-flips !

Q. What's orange and sounds like a parrot ?
A. A carrot !

Q. What's brown and sticky ?
A. A stick !

Q. What do you call a mid-morning financial crisis ?
A. A credit brunch !

Q. Why have elephants got Big Ears ?
A. Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom !



IN CONVERSATION:

- Two cannibals eating a clown... one turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you ?"

- Two snowmen... one turns to the other and says "Can you smell carrots ?"

- Tw fish in a tank... one says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"


I DON'T UNDERSTAND...

Hedgehogs.... Why can't they just share ?

If you had a space-craft that could travel at the speed of light... what would happen when you turn on the headlamps ?

What is the speed of dark ?