There's a mammoth 42 entries this year, so naturally I've separated the wheat from the chaff so you don't have to. Having said that, I'm expecting disagreement.
The utterly brilliant:
Sopho Khalvashi from Georgia singing "Visionary Dream" - Despite Georgia being a debutante, this has winner written all over it. I'm not sure about the change of title from "My Story" - the original was easier to associate with the song, whereas the new one is only mentioned once, in the first verse. It also starts all Transcaucasian-ally ethnic on us, which looks like a bad sign, but keep listening - an amazingly fabulous electro-pop beat kicks in in the chorus. Despite it's mediocre showings in the fan polls, this might win.
Marija Serifovic from Serbia singing "Molitva" - The now-traditional balkan ballad which inevitably goes top five. But these songs never win, do they? And - to put it bluntly - Marija looks like a potato.
Les Fatals Picards from France singing "L'amour à la française - They're no fools, the French. They've taken all the clichés from French culture that we know and love (Moulin Rouge, the Eiffel Tower, Chanel
et al are all mentioned), and it features lyrics in English with a think French accent (yes, just like
Natasha St-Pier in 2001!). It also has an uber-memorable chorus and if rumours are to be believed, the live performance is snowdome-themed. Watch this space.
Edsilia Rombley from the Netherlands singing "On Top Of The World" - Ah, lovely Edsilia is back. Not as good as the hand-clappin' finger-snappin' "Hemel en aarde" from 1998, but nevertheless a very strong pop song. It is extremely reminiscent of Anastacia's "One Day in Your Life" - I think at this stage there isn't a single Eurofan out there who hasn't noticed the connection by now. If this doesn't go top 10 there's a serious threat of the Dutch throwing an Italy and leaving the contest. I certainly hope not.
Evridiki from Cyprus singing "Comme Ci, Comme Ça" - Another barrier broken. Who'da thought we'd have a song in French from Cyprus? And for the second year running not a hint of bouzouki. This must be some sort of record. It's been lumped with a godawful running order draw in the semi final, which could put pay to it's chances. Allow me to be the millionth person to compare this song to Kate Ryan's "Je t'adore" from last year - strong showing in the pre-contest polls, then inexplicably a non-qualifier.
Hanna Pakarinen from Finland singing "Leave Me Alone" - I'm amazed at how underrated this is. Thanks to
Anna Vissi (Anna Vissi), we now know that host country entries are not guaranteed over-achievers, but this is a really punchy pop-rock song which will go massive in the hall. Two in a row? No. Top five? Possibly.
The very good:
Olivia Lewis from Malta singing "Vertigo" - The Schlagerboys' choice. I'm sure Ms. Lewis had the cyanide pills ready for yet-another MSFE defeat back in February, but the Maltese people's sadistic streak obviously didn't stretch that far, and she finally got the opportunity to represent Eurovision's most enthusiastic entrant on the international stage. Good on her. The song features the well-worn Maltese rhyming (vertigo? indigo? oh come on) remeniscent of
Ira Losco, but the song unfortunately lacks the extra explosiveness needed to make it a certain qualifier. But if there's any Eurojustice, she'll be performing on May 12.
DJ BoBo from Switzerland singing "Vampires Are Alive" - Good heavens. Eurovision seems to be heading towards being a breeding ground for I'm-not-devil-worshipping-but-I-write-songs-about-it-in-my-spare-time acts. Old BoBo referred to his song as a "balkan hymn" before it was unveiled. Christ only knows what BoBo thinks the Balkan people call a hymn. Pro: The bookies' favourite. Con: Being from Switzerland. Maybe all those decidely random votes the Swiss have given to Turkey, Albania and The Former Serbian & Montenegrin Republic of Serbia & Montenegro will pay off this year. Or maybe Lys Assia will have to be kept in her cupboard for another year.
Sarbel from Greece singing "Yassou Maria" - My family are Greek, so naturally they've been insufferable regarding this entry. And for once, I'm in some sort of agreement. This is a terrific song, not least for being from the Miserlou side of Greek music, à la
Helena Paparizou's "Gigolo". I wouldn't complain if this won.
Dervish from Ireland singing "They Can't Stop The Spring" - Never underestimate the power of the Celtic fringe. Much as I despise John Waters, he's put together a relatively listenable dirge for my home country this year. And maybe part of it is nationalist bias on my part. Nevertheless, it'll take something special from the 'vish (or is it the Derv's) on May 12 to top
Brian Kennedy's castrato-tastic performance in Athens last year.
The sleepers:
Serebro from Russia singing "Song #1" - Sounds like Britney Spears? Well only if Max Martin had had whatever part of his brain controls language surgically removed. What in
Alla Pugacheva's name are those lyrics about? Inevitably will do well because of the neighbours.
Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov from Bulgaria singing "Water" or more specifically "Voda" - Lots of screeching makes Eurovision fans very excitable indeed. It's a mystery where this will finish, it could literally go anywhere.
The Ark from Sweden singing "The Worrying Kind" - Groan. Another clinical attempt by Schlagerland plc to send something to Europe which will appeal to the yoof. That is, the youth as seen by
Christer Björkman. Will finish in Sweden's traditional somewhere-between-fifth-and-eighth position. By the way, I love the way the Swedes refer to The Ark at "The Ork". Fabulous.
Kenan Doğulu from Turkey singing "Shake it up shekerim" - Oooh. Yet another song featuring a "shake it up" lyric. The Greeks were up in arms. As if somehow they had trademarked the line. Ridiculous. Everyone knows
Sakis Rouvas holds sole artistic control over it. And besides, this sounds nothing like the Greek entry. It's like they got Justin Timberlake to renovate Sibel's lounge-disco from last year, and this is what they got. Inevitable qualifier due to guaranteed votes from certain countries (read: France, Netherlands, Belgium, Germany).
Dmitry Koldun from Belarus singing "Work Your Magic" - Without dragging politics into it too much (Eurovision + politics =
Dana) I really don't want this to win. Belarus simply isn't developed enough. And I don't mean it in an anti-small country way, after all Estonia did fine in 2002. I just don't think a country with a dictatorship should host the Eurovision. But staying on topic, the song in hilarious. Orchestra instrumentals straight out of a Shirley Bassey Bond theme, lyrics that only a Slav could sing ("feeling" and "willing" do not, and never will rhyme to anyone with a smidgeon of English).
The dark horse:
Karolina from the Republic of Macedonia singing "Mojot svet" - Keeping on the najna najna theme from last year's entry, the Macedoine have come up with a song ethnic but poppy enough to do very well. Probable qualifier, again the result is anyone's guess.
The enthusiastic but mediocre:
Alenka Gotar from Slovenia singing "Cvet z juga" - Opera/techno. Sounds promising, but pretty forgetable.
Roger Cicero from Germany singing "Frauern regier'n die Welt" - What convinced the Germans that a swing song would sound better auf Deutsch? That may well be what sinks it.
Teapacks from Israel singing "Push The Button" - Controversy, controversy everywhere but not a song in sight. Sounds like three songs mashed together. Iran needn't bother getting in a huff about it, it'll be forgotten on May 11.
4Fun from Lithuania singing "Love or Leave" - Alternatively known as "We Are The Winners Part II". NOT.
Eiríkur Hauksson from Iceland singing "Valentine Lost" - Heavy lyrics. Song from twenty years ago. Bring back
Silvia Night.
Verda Serduchka from Ukraine singing/speaking "Danzing Lasha Tumbai" - There are some songs you just know aren't going to be sweet or gentle. This is one. In fact, it's a manic electro-pop song with accordians in Ukrainian, English, German and Mongolian (!?) performed by a poor-quality drag queen. It'll probably win.
The meh, but where's the spark:
Guri Schanke from Norway singing "Ven a bailar conmigo" - G:son has done it this time. All that good work on Dame
Carola's song last year and now he sends this
Anna Book album track for Norway. Semi final time again for Norge, unfortuately.
Gerli Padar from Estonia singing "Partners In Crime" - Bland P!nk cover.
Todomondo from Romania singing "Liubi, Liubi, I Love You" - Worst Romanian entry since 2000. Quirky, but then there's a lot of quirky stuff in this year.
The Krazy Mess Groovers from Belgium singing "Love Power" - Rubbish disco. It's being talked about as a qualifier, but I don't think so.
D'Nash from Spain singing "I Love You Mi Vida" - Words fail me. How did the Spaniards get this out of one of the best national finals in Europe? It's so bland.
The ones that you'll probably watch, and then wish you'd spent your time on something else:
Hayko from Armenia singing "Anytime You Need" - Yawnsome Eastern European ballad, more in the style of Ivan Mikulic than
Zeljko Joksimovic.
The Jet Set from Poland singing "Time To Party" - Good-looking people sing horrid "urban" song. Nobody cares.
Marija Sestic from Bosnia and also from Herzegovina singing "Rijeka bez imena" - Ballad which will be forgotten when Serbia perform.
Eric Papilaya from Austria singing "Get A Life, Get Alive" - A former Anastacia song? Pull the other one.
Sabrina (but not the Italian one) from Portugal singing "Danca conmigo" - Portuguese fascination with brass instruments continues. As does Portuguese fascination with the semi final.
Anonymous from Andorra singing "Save the World" - The worst possible band name for last.fm this side of [unknown]. McFly-style rock song which may well qualify, despite the fact that no one you know voted for it. Fair play to Andorra though, it took three years for them to send a song with mass appeal, that's faster than Portugal, who remain hopeful.
Magdi Rúzsa from Hungary singing "Unsubstantial Blues" -
Mia Martini will be spinning in her grave.
Scooch from the United Kingdom singing "Flying the Flag For You" - Mr. Wogan, please retire. Now. The joke is no longer funny. Although I appreciate your attempt to make it look like Cyndi had won MYMU.
The bladder breaks:
Kabát from the Czech Republic somehow emitting "Mála Dama" -
Lordi rip-off which goes nowhere due to obvious low quality. And lack of masks and pyrotechnics.
Bonaparti.lv from Latvia singing "Questa notte" - Singing in Italian? Well then they're bound to get twelve points from... oh wait.
DQ from Denmark singing "Drama Queen" - I despise this song. Having said that, it'll qualify, then be forgotten in the final when put up against the Ukranian/Mongolian male version of Lisa Scott-Lee. Hopefully the drag trend will move on then.
Natalia Barbu from Moldova singing "Fight" - Comparing this to Evanescence is like comparing
LT United to Beethoven. Evanescence are a quality band with quality songs. This is a forgettable attempt to cash in on the rock trend.
The suicide note moments:
Frederik Ndoci from Albania singing "Hear My Plea" - The more time Albania spend in the Eurovision the more obscure and balkan their entries get. Fact.
Stevan Faddy from Montenegro singing "Hajde kroci" - Winning the Arsenium award for most shite rhyming in one song.
Dragonfly feat. Dado Topić from Croatia singing "Vjerujem U Ljubav" - Croatia's Eurovision downfall is sealed. This is their worst entry ever. Haven't
Danijela,
Doris Dragovic and
Severina taught you anything Croatia? Stripping in a Croatian entry is obligatory, nay, necessary.
Anyway, you probably disagree with an awful lot of what I wrote. Good. The last thing we need is everyone agreeing with everyone in May - where's the fun in that?
Natasha St-Pier