Blog

Howdy again.

The previous list was just not long enough to contain them all. So instead of expanding it, I've created a new one, for all the horrible crimes-against-music that didn't fit into part 1.
This is 100% mainstream trash; not-so-famous bands have plenty of annoying tunes too, but flaming them just isn't as much fun.
Enjoy. Or not.

WARNING!!! HERE THERE BE PICTURES OF MUTANTS!!!

15 - James Blunt: You're Beautiful


I don't know James Blunt. I don't know what kind of a person he really is, but the air of douchiness surrounds him like a shimmering cocoon. And he's the vocal equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Unfortunately this song was a huge hit, I kept hearing it everywhere, and every time I heard it I had an increasing desire to punch James Blunt's face.

14 - Mika: We Are Golden


You know those 2 girls 1 cup reaction videos that are all over the Net? That's what my face was like when I saw & heard this shit. It's like a unicorn lifting its tail & dropping sparkly rainbow dung onto a field of gold & diamonds.

13 - Maroon 5: She Will Be Loved (or any other track, really)


Their music sucks, their singer sounds like a neutered tomcat, and worst of all-he seems to be convinced that he's the material that wet female dreams are made of. This song has assaulted my ears countless times, in situations where escape was impossible (during bus rides, for example) and I can't even describe how much I've grown to hate it.

12 - Cher: Believe


At one point, Tom Cruise considered devouring her brains. Unfortunately he didn't act on his impulses. Cher has a man-voice (possibly a result of all those hormones she stuffed into herself to stop the natural aging process) and looks just a tad more plastic than a lego figure. Believe is her last big hit, and it's made even more horrible than usual by her heavily autotuned man-voice and the cheesy dance beat. Yuck.

11 - Gloria Gaynor: I Will Survive


ARRRRGH!!!

10 - My Chemical Romance: Teenagers


Stupid, emotionally challenged, superficial, sheep-headed teenagers of today-this is what you want, this is what you need, EAT UP.

9 - Emilíana Torrini: Jungle Drum


Words to describe how annoying this is.... There are none.

8 - Madonna: Give It 2 Me


I love Madonna. I still think that Ray of Light is the best pop album ever. Her late 90's-early 00's work was mature, artistic, beautiful. Confessions on a Dance Floor was fun, hip & cool. Then something happened to her (or should I say, INSIDE HER DAMN HEAD) and Hard Candy was born. Thoroughly atrocious, with only a few tolerable tunes, most notably Miles Away. Give It 2 Me (see, she used 2 instead of To, because that's like, cool and stuff and young people do that) is nothing more than the sad attempt of an aging woman to appeal to audiences that are constantly bombarded by the onslaught of 20-something whorish starlets. Her most recent "hit", Celebration accomplished the near-impossible mission of being even shittier than Give It 2 Me. Madge needs to reinvent herself, and FAST.

7 - Benny Benassi: Satisfaction


You can't even call this "music" legally.

6 - Kylie Minogue: I Should Be So Lucky


I should be so lucky lucky lucky lucky on a faraway tropical island, blissfully unaware of this song's existence...
Honorable mention: The Loco-Motion & Can't Get You Out of My Head

5 - Guns N' Roses: Sweet Child O' Mine


I don't hate this song because it comes from an overrated band composed of stupid douchebags with over-inflated egos (if I cared about the egos of musicians I may not listen to any major bands at all); I hate it because I can't stand the whining and squealing of Axl Rose, and it's overplayed to the point where I just cringe whenever I hear it. Same goes for most of their hits. 'Nuff said.

4 - Green Day: 21 Guns


Just look at that picture.

3 - Enrique Iglesias: Takin' Back My Love


WOW. This guy is so deeply in love with himself, it's a wonder he didn't start a campaign for the legalization of self-marriage yet. He pouts more than a female supermodel and tongue-fucks various chicks in each of his videos to show what a walking, talking bomb of manliness he is. He hardly sings, most of his vocals sound like a random dude attempting to win back his woman by performing cheesy romantic karaoke under her window. I'd throw bricks at him.

2 - Fergie: Glamorous and every other fucking piece of garbage excuse for a song she ever unleashed upon the world


There are artists who annoy me. Then there are "artists" who annoy me even more. And then there's THIS steaming, epic pile of horseshit. Read these lyrics and tell me you don't feel like kicking this conceited caricature of a human female IN THE BALLS. Consumerism, greed, narcissism and careless stupidity enhanced by all the plastic surgery money can buy, but still ugly both on the inside & out. As much as I detest Perez Hilton, he was right about this one.

1 - a bunch of mutants called The Black Eyed Peas: My Humps


...OH THE HORROR! THE PAIN!


PS: In case you disagree with me and want to bash my charts (like that would change the fact that all these artists & songs DO suck sweet & sour donkey ding dongs), remember that this is my personal journal where I can write anything I want, and