2009 FUCKING SUCKED A HYENA’S ASS
And bad years make for awesome music. Unfortunately, bad years also mean I’m barely in the mood to listen to anything not abrasive like ever. There’s no hip hop top 5 this year, for one thing. I heard a Papoose mix tape, Raekwon, Cage(and well . . .not top 5 material) and. . . . Cage. Everything just gets integrated into the top 40 this time around. Really, fucking awful year. . . .for damn near everyone. I’m gonna add a top 10 shows this year, because the only good things that happened this year were shows.
The late bloomers got to see The Jesus Lizard and Dinosaur Jr. and Built to Spill hit the stage. . . .and yeah, the only band that was actually broken up was the Jesus Lizard.
Granted, this year you had a few colossal disappointments, due to the continuing mainstream-ization of all we hold dear. That won’t last too long though. When does Headbangers Ball come on now? 4:30 in the morning for a half hour? Lemme guess, they play the video for “vinushka” by Dir en grey and the you watch 10 Victory Records commercials and then they show the new Mudvayne video and the show is over? Better days are coming. Don’t blame Dethklok either. Yes, when they get put on a tour with metal bands who don’t have cartoons based on them, you’re gonna meet a lot of scum who don’t actually understand what’s going on. WHY ARE YOU GOING TO THOSE SHOWS ANYWAY? If it’s that bad for metal, don’t support it. I don’t care if the Melvins are opening. The show is funny, and the second album was good.
Anyway. . . .
Down the line. . . .
40
Funeral Mist – Maranatha
Mortuus, Mortuus, Mortuus. Twas some year for this guy, eh?? You’ll hear about Marduk in a little bit. He was doing this before he joined Marduk, after all. I didn’t hear this until quite late in the year though. Not only do we have Mortuus’s unmistakeable vocals (he is seriously one of the most unique vocalists in black metal right now), but he also played every instrument besides the drums on this record. Whaaaaa?!?! The guy is a monster.
39
General Surgery - Corpus In Extremis
Almost forgot this gem. With Exhumed gone, GE return to claim the title of #1 Carcass clone in the game.
38
Celeste - Misanthrope(s)
Our overseas upset of the year comes from France. With a combo of scrams and black metal (no, seriously), Celeste bring us one long earworm.
37
Asphyx - Death The brutal Way
The name describes the album pretty well. Classic death metal from a classic death metal band that makes classic death metal. . .oh Christ. . .what more do you want me to say?
36
Armed For Apocalypse – Defeat
This one hurts
35
Kowloon Walled City - Gambling On the Richter Scale
This one hurts more (and has less core)
34
Immortal - all shall fall/
Gorgoroth - Quantos Possunt ad Satanitatem Trahunt
Our long awaited black metal comebacks came to a stalemate. Immortal rebound from a disappointing send-off, and Gorgoroth are. . .man. . .I’m trying not to say “reborn”, because well. . . .okay, so not reborn, but. . . .well. . . .it’s definitely a restart in another direction from the Gaahl days. Those albums weren’t bad, mind you. . .but this sounds just as good.
33
Poison the Well - the tropic rot
They’re still at it, and somehow better at it than the peers they started with.
32
Narrows - New Direction
This one is a bit of a grower, because you have to shift your expectations after you first hear it. Once it grows on you though, you won’t get why you didn’t get it the first time.
31
Burnt by the Sun – Heart of Darkness
BBTS go out on the highest possible note, and say goodbye the best way they know how. . . .by simply crushing. So long.
30
A Dark Orbit - Voyager EP
By the time I post this, maybe you’ll already know When Knives Go Skyward are gonna make a new record. Maybe you won’t. Either way, whether that happens or not, you still better watch out for this band. They’ll knock you on your ass.
29
Complete Failure - Heal No Evil
This band came out of nowhere with this. Self released and sold at Maryland death fest. Good shit.
28
Robotosaurus – manhater
This band from Australia gives us a bit of that When forever Comes Crashing vibe. .and then some. New shit is gonna be way different. Look out for it.
27
Cave In - planets of old
The best they’ve done since the 180
26
The Chariot - wars and rumors of wars
After yet another line-up overhaul (I’m going to start calling him Josh Austin), the Chariot return with their best album. All the rawness of “everything. . .”, with tunes even more memorable than “the fiancée”. None of the pop of Norma Jean. This is the only good Christian metalcore band left now (yeah, that Advent record faded on me). Lets see how long they keep it up.
25
The Psyke Project - dead storm
After finally getting US distro, they went and did this gem of a record. There’s a lot less interlude and a lot more SMASH STUFF.
24
Lord Mantis - spawning the nephilim
Black metal + sludge = OWWWCH!!
23
Jesu - Infinity
This was the best Jesu release in a couple of years. Why you ask?? There’s some HEAVY back in the mix, that’s why.
22
Augury - Fragmentary Evidence
Just when I think I’m done with tech death, this band comes along and does something pretty cool with it.
21
Japanische Kampfhörspiele – Luxusvernichtung
Back at MDF 2008, I saw this band and they put on a live show that was really fun . . .more fun than some of the records I’ve heard from them. This one, however, is as fun as their live show. The songs are also really really short.
20
Coalesce - Ox
This really happened. . . . .
19
Bubblegum Octopus - the album formerly known as 8 legged dance moves/
xrin arms - olive juice
True standouts in the cyber/8-bit/break/grind/mash-up whatever we’d like to call it world of monsters with machines and whatnot. I don’t know.
18
Suffocation - blood oath
Finally someone realized they should make a record that sounds like it was made in the 90s
17
Noriega – Desolo
More OUCH from friends of Admiral Angry (R.I.P. Daniel Krauss). It’s a little more up tempo than Black Sheep Wall was, but that certainly doesn’t mean it’s not one of the heaviest records you’ve heard this year.
16
Glorior Belli - meet us on the southern side
There are a lot of things you probably shouldn’t bother trying to mix black metal with. On this record, GB prove that southern metal isn’t one of those things. It actually works pretty well when they do it.
15
martyrdod - Sekt
Now that there’s no more Skitsystem, you can focus all that attention on this band. Truly the next best thing.
14
Sonic Youth - the Eternal
I don’t know about you, but when Iook back at this past decade and think about what the best Sonic Youth album of this past decade was, it’s gonna be this one, hands down.
13
Future of the Left - travels with myself and another
Worth it for “throwing bricks at trains” along. You’ll end up singing along with the entire bloody thing.
12
Fukpig - spewings from a selfish nation
One of the most pissed off records I’ve heard since Splitter’s last couple records.
11
Nashgul - El Dia Despues Al Fin De La Humanidad
This Spanish grind monster shall prove to you why they get recommended everytime someone asks “what should I listen to now that Nasum are done?”
10
Marduk – wormwood
Mortuus again. What a guy. Marduk, now a quartet, improve over their last album as a quintet MAJORLY and show everyone they still got it in ‘em.
9
Raekwon - Only Built For Cuban Linx II
THE ONLY HIP-HOP RECORD THAT MATTERED IN 2009. Go ahead, mention Blueprint III, you trendy fuck. I dare you. C’mon, I know you’re gonna say it. I KNOW YOU’RE GONNA FUCKING SAY IT.
8
A Place to Bury Strangers - exploding head
So, so far, they still haven’t managed to capture their live sound on a record. I doubt that’ll happen. Although they’ve clean up the production a bit, this ends up being an album long EARWORM. It was a good month and a half of not being able to stop listening. The BIG drum break down in “keep slipping away”, the catchy as fuck bassline in “smile when you smile”, “I lived my life to stand in the shadow of your heart”. . .finally on an full length release. I don’t know what else to say. Quality shoegaze/dreampop from Brooklyn.
7
Tombs - winter hours
This was the first really good album I heard this year, and since then I’ve seen the band 3 times. This new crop of USBM is very hit or miss, but TOMBS ALWAYS HIT! Not only that, you can listen to them in the daytime . . .while driving. Lets see Wolves in the Throne Room do that. (no, no, I actually like WITTR. . . . but you can’t listen to them while driving.)
6
Magrudergrind – Magrudergrind
Kids, this band are reaching an unstoppable level. Listening to this took me back to the first time I heard Inhale/Exhale. Seriously.
5
Parlamentarisk Sodomi - De Anarkistiske An(n)aler
This band caught my ear a year ago when I blindly bought their CD at MDF. They came out with a new one right at the beginning of the year, and it is a fucking stunner. You have a TEN MINUTE GRIND SONG. Some might say that’s not really grind at all. I say, you should hear it. How’d he play that fast that long. How’d he manage to not make a riff salad out of the bloody thing. Did I mention this is ONE FUCKING GUY?!?!
4
Brutal Truth - Evolution Through Revolution
This was gonna be my number one before I heard the next 3 on this list. It’s everything I hoped it would be and more. One of the most successful “get-back-together-and-make-another-album” scenarios since Coalesce. . . .oh wait. . . this came out before Ox, didn’t it?
3
Antigama – warning
Still the most upbeat thing I listen to. The drummer has fully integrated his new rack toms into his playing, which means he isn’t using them at EVERY opportunity like last album. . . .but you still get some unique grindcore fare.
2
Converge - axe to fall
The legends return. They brought some friends. . .lots of friends. These friends helped the legends top themselves yet again. Surely a top contender, surely. . . . .but. . . . .
1
Gaza - he is never coming back/
The_Network - bishop kent manning
I REALLY tried. I really tried not to have a draw this year. In the end though, I just couldn’t pick one. Both so eloquently captured the vibe of the entire year. I just could’ve had the legends take the top spot every other year. . . but I believe these two bands are the future of the good kind of metalcore and their albums were truly on equal level with each other.
So yeah, that’s what happened. . . .
. . .oh, but you know who else put out some good shit this year??
Hail of Bullets,
Alice in Chains(WELCOME BACK),
Ulcerate,
Afgrund,
Imbroglio,
Mumakil,
Paria,
Everytime I Die,
Portal,
Eryn Non Dae,
My Dying Bride,
Success Will Write Apocalypse Across The Sky,
Graf Orlock,
For The Love Of(WELCOME BACK!),
Agoraphobic Nosebleed(or should I say Pigrophobic Destroyerbleed. . .since that's basically what that album was. It didn't suck though.),
Darkest Hour,
HORSE the band,
Katatonia,
Buck Tick,
Dir en grey,
The Hunches,
Dethklok,
Dinosaur Jr.,
Black Kites,
Between the Buried and Me and
Polvo(WELCOME BACK!)
The Best Splits?
The_Network/
Throats
Agoraphobic Nosebleed/
Endless Blockade
Agoraphobic Nosebleed/
Crom
Hewhocorrupts/
Phoenix Bodies
ANb’s splits this year were better than their album this year.
Most Improved Band of 2009
we all know Everytime I Die and Dir en grey continued their upward climb with pretty decent releases this year. . .
. . . but who was the MOST improved???
War From a Harlots Mouth
Unexpected, eh??
I don’t know if you even remember this band from Germany, (home of overseas upset of 2008 Dead Flesh Fashion. . . .who I didn’t hear soon enough to make the 2008 list) but in 2009 they went from a record with three standout tracks to a fully listenable album. Whether the people who liked the other record realize this or not is debatable (it sure is a topic of debate on the last.fm page) Me though, I hear it and say GOOD FUCKING SHOW!
Keep it up.
On the other end, some bands that should NOT keep it up. .. .
Biggest disappointments of 2009 (besides the year in itself)
ZAO – Awake??? No, Still Dreaming Of Rock Stardom Even Though We Don’t Tour Anymore- Scott, shut the fuck up! GAS FACE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! What do we think about Hammer??
1349 – Revelations That We Should Play Depressive Black Metal Like Everyone In The States – anybody wanna tell me what the fuck was going on on this record???
Mastodon – Crack Brittney Skye: I actually did like this album at first. I listened to the whole thing all the way through like 4 times. . .then I just kept listening to the title track and “ghosts of Karelia”. About a month later, I just didn’t want to listen to it anymore. I haven’t wanted to listen to it again since. I went and saw them play it live and I hated it more (that weird effect on their voices didn’t help either). They walked off stage, came back and played the stuff from the other albums, and it was way the fuck better. That sealed it for me. We’re done.
Big Business – I don’t remember a single second of this record. I also don’t remember it’s name.
Napalm Death – Time Waits For No Slave To Write A Machinehead Album Like You Did In 1997: Let me tell you people something. People who hated the 90s “experimental” period yet praise this album, are like people who hated late 90s teen pop but love Lady Gaga. I wonder what you’ll say 2 albums from now when they make Words From the Exit Wound again.
And finally,
the top ten shows of the year (that weren’t Maryland Death Fest. . .for we all know Maryland Death Fest was the best thing about 2009)
1. the Jesus Lizard (Nov 16th)
2. the_Network/Robotosaurus/Tiger Flowers/My America Is Watching Tigers Die (Oct 12th)
3. Marduk/Tombs/Black Anvil/Withered (Aug 15th)
4. Melvins/Down/Weedeater (Sept 11th)
5. Meshuggah/the Faceless/Cynic (Feb 19th)
6. Burnt By the Sun/Tombs/Black Anvil/Torchbearer (oct 2nd)
7. A Place to Bury Strangers (Oct 29th)
8. Vader/the Amenta/Decrepit Birth/Warbringer/Augury (Nov 7th)
9. Dinosaur Jr./the Walkmen/Saviours (Aug 16th)
10. Gojira/The Chariot/Car Bomb (May 6th)
NEW THING: Bands to watch out for next year. . .
Brother Juniper
The Matador
Tiger Flowers
Bastards
.. . 3 good metalcore bands, and one excellent grind band. Keep those ears open.
. . .and so, this year comes to a close.
It really kinda made last year look good in comparison.
I don’t’ expect too much from 2010 except of course good tunes.
That’s pretty much a sure thing (especially since I’ve already heard two 2010 albums today).
HORSE the band