Now, as some of you who have (unfortunately) encountered me in shoutboxes may know, I get rather reactionary about random shit. Yes, it's a bad thing. Do I care? Not particularly. However, I
do care about people's reactions to my shoutbox tantrums, so I'm going to do the impossible and try, and fail, to be less "OMG IM SO OFFENDED >:(" and take a more mocking stance.
But first, the seriousness. Have you ever had a death in your family? Hell, not just your family - anyone you've cared about, period (because families can be a bunch of dickheads), have you had a death like that? Did it shake you? Upset you? If it didn't, then you're just a sociopathic maniac. :P
Being a metalhead (it's unfortunate I have to share that term with a lot of elitist dumbasses, but, hey, nobody's perfect), naturally I know of the death of "Dimebag" Darrell, the guitarist for
Pantera and
Damageplan. Shot on stage in 2004 while playing with Damageplan, his death caused a space-time rupture within the metal fanbase that caused several people to get sucked into a black hole and end up materialising in Macedonia as three-headed chickens. Trust me, I've got one of the chickens at home - they're bastards to feed.
Of course, everyone mourning Dimebag naturally caused a bunch of simpletons to think "Hey, if he's dead, he can't be as good as everyone says because everyone says he's the greatest guitarist ever! So he must be crap!" Now, this group may have had a point with the whole "dead-doesn't-mean-greatest" thing - Kurt Cobain was not a good singer or guitarist, and was mainly skilled as a songwriter; John Lennon was an average musician and was terrible at writing "world peace" songs (I don't know about you, but I cringe every time I hear "Imagine"); hell, Dimebag himself wasn't a noticably great guitarist, though he could probably shred better than the majority of people on this site. But they weren't crap, either. All three had hugely successful and influential careers in music, they have inspired countless millions - do you honestly think they'd have that much influence if they were totally terrible?
"Come on, get to the point!", you're probably shouting out loud while spilling coffee all over your computer. Well, you're in luck - actually, you're not, because your computer is coffee. But for those who don't have drinks near a computer, you're in luck - because here's the point of my entire, ridiculously long rant about nothing in particular.
Recently, I discovered a group on this site named "Glad to See Dimebag Done". Puzzled as to what the fuck they meant by the title, I look at the group to find that they're functionally retarded, and that they meant "Gone" rather than "Done". Well, at least that problem's all sorte... wait, "Glad to See Dimebag
Gone"? "Oh shit," I think to myself. "I've stumbled upon Pantera's hatedom."
The description of the group reads "For those of us who are glad to see Darrell "Dikefag" Abbott dead". The use of the term "fag" completely destroys my expectations for any intelligent discussions about how Dimebag somehow deserved to get shot in the face. At the time of writing, this group had 183 members, with not a brain cell between 'em. Due to bile fascination I decide to take a closer look and do a good sporking afterwards.
There were five threads, the titles of which made me question whether these people knew anything about music. "Nobody really actually likes Douchebag Darrell or Pantera” was one such title, and it's absolutely correct, because, yes, all the people mourning Dimebag were actually pissing on his grave and spraying "LOL PHIL ANSELMO WUZ HERE" on the gravestone. Another thread title, "
Exhorder" - yep,
another idiotic "PANTERA STOLE FROM EXHORDER!!!" thread that gets nowhere. I didn't even need to take a look, but because I like to be accurate, I took a look. The first post:
"Far better than Pantera, Exhorder actually has that southern charm and feeling that the glam metal band Pantera doesn't have."
Slightly surprised that it wasn't "PANTERA STOLE FROM EXHORDER!!!", though the fact that there's still the "Pantera vs Exhorder" battle should point to the obvious. It's weird how nobody heard of Exhorder until the Pantera hatedom decided to reason that Pantera stole from Exhorder. Honestly, with the extra album sales that this controversy caused, Exhorder are probably thanking Pantera for apparently stealing their style. Still, my "PANTERA STOLE FROM EXHORDER!!!" suspicions were confirmed with posts 9 and 10:
"Pantera took what Exhorder did and made it good."
"No, Pantera took what Exhorder did and buttfucked it."
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! PANTERA STOLE FROM EXHORDER!!!!!!!!!!!! ME ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!! ME SMASH THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That particular thread ended shortly afterwards. Apparently, talking about Exhorder detracts from all the useless "OMG PANTERA SUX" talk. Another thread title: "Wow Pantera is the worst band ever". These people haven't heard
Brokencyde, have they? If any members of this group are reading this rant and chuckling about how pathetic I am, then I advise them to go and listen to some of Brokencyde's songs. They. Will. Break. You. Compared to Brokencyde, Pantera are masterful.
So, why am I pissed off with this group? Not because they're trolling. I like trolling. Trolling's fun, and some of it is inspired, and causes many "lulz" (I shudder at using that term). It's not even a target that pisses me off - you may notice I have lots of Pantera plays on my account, but I need to stress (honestly) that my little brother (yes, really) is a huge Pantera fan (I'm not kidding) and played the songs fuckloads of times (believe me, they're not all my plays!). So, it's not offended me - why do I care? Because this is a guy who actually, really died. Think about that for a moment. This isn't some Harry Potter fangirl group that wishes Ginny, a fictional character, would die. This is a
real person.
Was a real person, anyway. They genuinely believe that, because they don't like a band, that the band members deserve to get shot in the face. Hm, I really hate the Jonas Brothers - their music makes me sick. They deserve to die for making music that I don't like! After all, it's a capital offence to make music that someone dislikes. The final nail in the coffin (sorry)? At the time of writing, the artist with the most plays (mind you, there weren't that many plays - the top artist will change, I guarantee you) was
Death. You know, that death metal band with the dead frontman? The group would be massively offended if someone made a "Glad to See Chuck Gone" group - that is, if they can read, which they clearly can't, which means that I'm safe from their pathetic attempts at trolling me.
See you in my shoutbox. I'm looking forward to it. :)
(Lordnecronus is extremely butthurt over this and will retreat back into his cave until he grows some balls.)
tl;dr
Damageplan
