Céline DionHowdy.
I'm Anna & these are the 15 most irritating, nerve-grating, brain-killing, child-corrupting, seizure-inducing songs in music history. If you feel very, very masochistic, create a playlist of these, listen to it, then kill yourself. What, you're not suicidal? YOU WILL BE.
PARENTAL WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT! THE FOLLOWING JOURNAL ENTRY HAS PICTURES OF MUTANTS IN IT!!!
15 - Any & every song by Mariah Carey
Take your pick.
14 - Labelle & a bunch of other bitches dressed up as whores:
Lady Marmalade
This song is so indescribably retarded, it makes want to strangle a kitten, stomp a bunny to death and deep-fry a living goldfish AT THE SAME TIME.
13 - Bon Jovi:Livin' On A Prayer
Everything that sucks about the 80's & hair metal, condensed into 4 minutes 10 seconds of intense, cheerful ear-rape.
Oh, and he's a douche.
12 - Kings of Leon:Sex On Fire
If I were a mic, I'd file a restraining order against this singer dude (forgive my ignorance for not bothering to look up his name).
11 - Europe:The Final Countdown
Because there can be no list of shitty songs without this one. The worst thing is-once the fucker gets into your ears, there's no getting rid of it! And look at that album cover... JUST LOOK AT IT.
10 - AC/DC: Highway to Hell (especially as performed by Brian Johnson)
Whoever thinks that this band does good hard rock needs to check out The Cult ASAP. If you do that and still think this song & this band are any good, congratulations- you fucking suck.
9 - Michael Jackson:Bad
Hard to pick just one, really. I chose this 'cause he says I'M BAD a zillion times in it, and it's the truth. The most overrated artist in music history, MJ had an unnaturally whiny voice & annoyingly repetitive, spastic dance moves, widely considered some of the bestest evarrr. Really? Plus he had the IQ of a senile Forrest Gump and threw away millions upon millions of dollars on shiny kitsch he didn't really need. A true icon indeed.
8 - Céline Dion:My Heart Will Go On
The fact that I liked this song when I was 13 makes me sad. Celine is the perfect example of a person who does have a voice, but uses it in the most irritating way imaginable.
7 - Avril Lavigne:Girlfriend
This song (and everything else she's ever done) makes me wish I had earlids; you know, like eyelids, only for ears. Those would be useful.
6 - O-Zone: Dragostea Din Tei
The English language doesn't have the words to describe how bad it is. I wish I could've spent the summer of 2004 on the Moon, maybe then I could've avoided hearing this (not sure, though). Unfortunately I understand the lyrics, too.
5 - Rihanna:Umbrella ella ella eh eh eh eh
I'm confused. I thought black females were supposed to have good voices. But then along come this squeaking blow-up doll and suddenly I'm not so sure anymore.
4 - Beyoncé:Video Phone
Look at this video. There's no way to describe just how disjointed and overlong and weird and ugly it is. Plus it features Lady GaGa, who's guaranteed to make everything 50% uglier.
The song is... amazingly bad. The kind of nausea-inducing shittiness that makes you hope that all that stuff in the Bible is true and there is indeed a Hell where the people responsible for this bullshit will burn, BURN for eternity.
3 - Freddie Mercury:Living on My Own
Another example of good pipes being put to bad use. JESUS H. CHRIST, THIS IS SO, SO HORRIBLE.
2 - Britney Spears:Womanizer
It's actually a 3-way tie between Womanizer,Gimme More & 3. The Unholy Trinity of shitty plastic pop devoid of any emotion or message, 'cept that dressing up as cheap slut is cool and attracts men. Sadly, the latter is true.
1 - Lady GaGa:Poker Face
She is a phenomenon! She is wild! She is shocking! SHE SUCKS ASS!
Stuff her fans keep saying:
SHE CAN PLAY THE PIANO!!! - yeah, like cca. 50.000.000 other people on the planet.
SHE SINGS LIVE!!! - sad but true: actually squeezing out those dumbass lyrics instead of mouthing them is an extraordinary accomplishment in today's pop business.
SHE DESIGNS ALL HER STUFF!!! - I'm pretty sure her designing process includes smoking weed while thinking real hard about how she could make the headlines again.
ZOMG SHE'S SO HOT!!! - O rly? Am I missing something here?
...yeah, whatever, dudes. The level of idiocy in Poker Face is nicely demonstrated by this charming fellow:
And if you still want more, just read the lyrics forBad Romance & feel free to discuss the hidden meaning behind mysterious & intriguing lines like
Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
What, you still don't feel suicidal? Here's a special bonus, brought to you by
Black Eyed Peas!
SEASON'S SPECIAL:
2 songs which, unlike most of those mentioned below, will NEVER go away...
Frank Sinatra (and several others):Jingle Bells & Bing Crosby (and several others): White Christmas
If these songs do anything successfully, it's the total & utter destruction of my Xmas spirit. Same story every year. It starts to snow, I feel kinda cheerful, I enter a store to check out some totally unnecessary stuff I might buy for my relatives to demonstrate that I actually care about their existence, and ONE OF THESE SONGS starts to play...
...and I already want to shoot a new hole into Santa's ass with a Magnum .44.
THE END
I'm Anna & these are the 15 most irritating, nerve-grating, brain-killing, child-corrupting, seizure-inducing songs in music history. If you feel very, very masochistic, create a playlist of these, listen to it, then kill yourself. What, you're not suicidal? YOU WILL BE.
PARENTAL WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT! THE FOLLOWING JOURNAL ENTRY HAS PICTURES OF MUTANTS IN IT!!!
15 - Any & every song by Mariah Carey
Take your pick.
14 - Labelle & a bunch of other bitches dressed up as whores:
Lady MarmaladeThis song is so indescribably retarded, it makes want to strangle a kitten, stomp a bunny to death and deep-fry a living goldfish AT THE SAME TIME.
13 - Bon Jovi:
Livin' On A PrayerEverything that sucks about the 80's & hair metal, condensed into 4 minutes 10 seconds of intense, cheerful ear-rape.
Oh, and he's a douche.
12 - Kings of Leon:
Sex On FireIf I were a mic, I'd file a restraining order against this singer dude (forgive my ignorance for not bothering to look up his name).
11 - Europe:
The Final CountdownBecause there can be no list of shitty songs without this one. The worst thing is-once the fucker gets into your ears, there's no getting rid of it! And look at that album cover... JUST LOOK AT IT.
10 - AC/DC: Highway to Hell (especially as performed by Brian Johnson)
Whoever thinks that this band does good hard rock needs to check out The Cult ASAP. If you do that and still think this song & this band are any good, congratulations- you fucking suck.
9 - Michael Jackson:
BadHard to pick just one, really. I chose this 'cause he says I'M BAD a zillion times in it, and it's the truth. The most overrated artist in music history, MJ had an unnaturally whiny voice & annoyingly repetitive, spastic dance moves, widely considered some of the bestest evarrr. Really? Plus he had the IQ of a senile Forrest Gump and threw away millions upon millions of dollars on shiny kitsch he didn't really need. A true icon indeed.
8 - Céline Dion:
My Heart Will Go OnThe fact that I liked this song when I was 13 makes me sad. Celine is the perfect example of a person who does have a voice, but uses it in the most irritating way imaginable.
7 - Avril Lavigne:
GirlfriendThis song (and everything else she's ever done) makes me wish I had earlids; you know, like eyelids, only for ears. Those would be useful.
6 - O-Zone: Dragostea Din Tei
The English language doesn't have the words to describe how bad it is. I wish I could've spent the summer of 2004 on the Moon, maybe then I could've avoided hearing this (not sure, though). Unfortunately I understand the lyrics, too.
5 - Rihanna:
Umbrella ella ella eh eh eh ehI'm confused. I thought black females were supposed to have good voices. But then along come this squeaking blow-up doll and suddenly I'm not so sure anymore.
4 - Beyoncé:
Video PhoneLook at this video. There's no way to describe just how disjointed and overlong and weird and ugly it is. Plus it features Lady GaGa, who's guaranteed to make everything 50% uglier.
The song is... amazingly bad. The kind of nausea-inducing shittiness that makes you hope that all that stuff in the Bible is true and there is indeed a Hell where the people responsible for this bullshit will burn, BURN for eternity.
3 - Freddie Mercury:
Living on My OwnAnother example of good pipes being put to bad use. JESUS H. CHRIST, THIS IS SO, SO HORRIBLE.
2 - Britney Spears:
WomanizerIt's actually a 3-way tie between Womanizer,
Gimme More & 3. The Unholy Trinity of shitty plastic pop devoid of any emotion or message, 'cept that dressing up as cheap slut is cool and attracts men. Sadly, the latter is true.1 - Lady GaGa:
Poker FaceShe is a phenomenon! She is wild! She is shocking! SHE SUCKS ASS!
Stuff her fans keep saying:
SHE CAN PLAY THE PIANO!!! - yeah, like cca. 50.000.000 other people on the planet.
SHE SINGS LIVE!!! - sad but true: actually squeezing out those dumbass lyrics instead of mouthing them is an extraordinary accomplishment in today's pop business.
SHE DESIGNS ALL HER STUFF!!! - I'm pretty sure her designing process includes smoking weed while thinking real hard about how she could make the headlines again.
ZOMG SHE'S SO HOT!!! - O rly? Am I missing something here?
...yeah, whatever, dudes. The level of idiocy in Poker Face is nicely demonstrated by this charming fellow:
And if you still want more, just read the lyrics for
Bad Romance & feel free to discuss the hidden meaning behind mysterious & intriguing lines likeRah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
Roma-roma-mamaa!
Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!
What, you still don't feel suicidal? Here's a special bonus, brought to you by
Black Eyed Peas!
SEASON'S SPECIAL:
2 songs which, unlike most of those mentioned below, will NEVER go away...
Frank Sinatra (and several others):
Jingle Bells & Bing Crosby (and several others): White ChristmasIf these songs do anything successfully, it's the total & utter destruction of my Xmas spirit. Same story every year. It starts to snow, I feel kinda cheerful, I enter a store to check out some totally unnecessary stuff I might buy for my relatives to demonstrate that I actually care about their existence, and ONE OF THESE SONGS starts to play...
...and I already want to shoot a new hole into Santa's ass with a Magnum .44.
THE END
