Boards of Canada1. Autechre
Two nerdy white boys from England making non-rhythmic instrumental "music" on extremely complex and expensive equipment, then they have the gall to mention hip-hop in an interview. Yeah, you're so totally hip-hop.
Another thing: Quaristice sucks. It used to be that your music was confusing because it was so abstract and otherworldly. Quaristice is confusing because I can't tell whether I loathe it or love it.
It's totally obvious that you're using Machinedrums exclusively now, by the way. Please go back to your old way of making music--EXPERIMENTING! If your next album is another Quaristice-type affair, then you're pretty much dead to me. Just being honest.
2. Download
No matter how hard they try, they're never going to make anything as good as The Eyes of Stanley Pain ever again. But with Fixer it seems like they're trying to, and so they're probably never going to make anything as good as III ever again either.
3. Skinny Puppy
You're taking too much influence from "IDM" cliches like snare rushes and all that bullshit. Don't turn into Aphex Twin or I will hate you forever. Also, Mythmaker is very hit-or-miss, which frustrates me, but I'm not really expecting you to make anything as good as Last Rights or Too Dark Park again.
4. Black Dice
Your first four albums are amazing. Well, perhaps that's an overstatement, but they were really good because even though you were working with some very amusical sounds, the results were almost undeniably musical, but still quite experimental. With Load Blown, you pretty much perfected your skills in turning obtuse noises into pop songs.
That's enough complimenting though. Repo fucking blows. You've become just another "experimental" (notice the quotes) band. As I listen to Repo, half of me is enjoying the weird sounds and textures you make, while the other half is crying softly because of those fucking drumloops. You've lost your experimental edge, and for what? Your sound was perfect, and you tainted it with one of the most cliche things in electronic music. I hate drumloops in experimental music. They're so overused and fucking BORING as hell. Maybe you could've saved yourselves if they were at least drenched in effects, but all you did to them was a little bit of distortion. Fuck drumloops, fuck Repo, and fuck you.
5. Dead Voices on Air
Shap, Frankie Pett Presents..., and Piss Frond were all really great records, so what the hell happened with From Labrador To Madagascar? It's pretty wanky. You have a new album out that I haven't gotten yet. I hope it's better.
6. Scorn
I really liked the first track on Stealth, but not enough to want to hear it seven more times.
7. Prurient
Just because Pleasure Ground was pretty good doesn't mean you should start using melodies all the time. If I wanted melodies, I wouldn't be listening to you. What happened to the emptiness of Black Vase and the action-packed ragefest of Church of Ammunition? The latter was an EP of two tracks, and it's still my favorite thing you've ever done. TWO TRACKS! That is NOT enough! Do more in that style and drop this melodic bullshit.
8. Gorillaz
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be listening to music this cool. Why was this project retired? Also, I keep forgetting to check out that new (old now) "Monkey" album. I don't remember what it's called.
9. Swans
Why so serious?
10. La Peste
I seriously hate Second Life because of people like you. Instead of making your music available in the real world, you perform concerts in Second Life. That is fucking lame as hell. I don't want to get an account on Second Life just to hear new songs by you. Seriously, work on the Hangars-Liquides website. Make some music available for free. You have no idea how hard it was for me to find the little that I got, and most of it was from your speedcore/throwaway era, not the flashcore I was expecting. I hate to end my rant about you on a good note, but the three flashcore albums I do have by you are fucking amazing. Do more of that, and not in Second Life. Please.
11. Final
Why is it that the further I get from my #1, the harder it is to come up with criticisms of these artists? Shouldn't it be the opposite? Well, anyway, I don't like the online distribution thing you're doing. I'd rather just get actual CDs. 3 was a great album, and I really don't expect anything after it to be as good, so I guess the online distribution thing isn't really that big a deal to me. Just from what I've read, it sounds like they're going to be drone made from guitar. I prefer the highly-processed form of drone like Burning Star Core and your first three albums. If I wanted guitar drone, I'd listen to Boris with Merzbow.
12. Mindless Self Indulgence
You'll Rebel to Anything and If were jokes. And I don't mean "joke" in the "Mindless Self Indulgence is a joke" sense of the word. I mean that you sold out, and fuck you. "If" is just pure pop-punk bullshit. MSI is dead to me.
13. Boredoms
Chocolate Synthesizer and Super Ae were good. Seadrum/House of Sun went on for far too long. I get the feeling that when you FINALLY release your next album, it won't be very good.
14. Gridlock
Further was too long, Trace was too "IDM" and Formless's tracks all sound the same. I rarely listen to an album by you all the way through. Also, your music can be very colorless and boring unless I'm in the mood for it.
15. Ryoji Ikeda
Dataplex was good enough; we didn't need another one in the form of Test Pattern. But we also didn't need See You At Regis Debray, because it sounds like a fucking joke.
16. Burning Star Core
Did you run out of ideas with Challenger? You released TWO amazing albums in 2007, so it shouldn't be that hard to make something for 2009. Time is running out, and so is my patience.
17. Gescom
See #1. Let's be honest here--Gescom is hardly an "umbrella project". It's probably 99% Autechre, and maybe somebody from Boards of Canada helps out once in a while. If it isn't, it sure sounds like it.
A1-D1 suffers from the same problem that Quaristice does--some tracks are just mindblowingly good, while others are just mindblowingly bad.
18. Krovo
Self-conscious humor can be kind of lame sometimes, but I don't care. The current image you have up is really lame. For how much you claim to hate MySpace, you sure don't have any problem with taking pictures in that stupid MySpace way--holding your own camera at a vomit-inducing angle and then applying some angsty black-and-white effect.
Skk was better than Senkyder. Senkyder was a fucking sell-out, and the title track is just ridiculous. You seem to have dissolved into self-parody. Some of your tracks go on for a few minutes too long for the amount of ideas they have. Just because you have semidecent writing skills and can thus make your project sound cool in the biography doesn't mean you should, because you make it sound a lot more experimental than it is. (I'd like to note, though, that I do have tracks in the works that are much more experimental than the things currently on last.fm... Also, if you haven't caught on by now, Krovo is my project. Shameless self-promotion alert!)
19. Pan Sonic
When you limit yourself to a VERY small sound palette, it's inevitable that some of your songs are going to sound pretty much the same. Contrary to popular opinion, Kesto probably isn't your best album. (I really like A better.) But I can't say for sure, since I've never listened to the whole thing. You know why I haven't? It's FOUR FUCKING DISCS LONG!
20. Pigface
DO ANOTHER REMIX ALBUM, WHY DON'T YOU? Oh, and I see on RYM that you have another album in the works. Took you long enough!
21. Venetian Snares
It pisses me off that you're in the top artists for the tag glitch. (If you want to know why, read my shout on that page.) It saddens me that your recent work is so melodic. You're so much better with rhythm, but it seems like you're downplaying that aspect of your music. Doll Doll Doll is a great album, but it's doubtful that you're going to make anything as different and atmospheric as that was ever again. Maybe I should stop assuming things about the future of artists in order to diss them, though.
22. Merzbow
It's too bad that your songs are usually so long, because I really love your sounds, but they go on for too long most of the time. Anyone who has OCD about their music collection hates you, by the way, because it's pretty much impossible to get everything you've ever done. I'm glad I don't have OCD. Unfortunately, I do have a bit of ADD, hence the hatred for your long songs.
23. ohGr
Maybe you should've left it at two albums. Devil's In My Details is decent but it's got the same problem as Mythmaker in that it's far too hit-and-miss for my tastes. Some of the songs are just stupid, like that one with the chicken clucking.
24. Winterkälte
Disturbance's beats were too obvious, Structures of Destruction's beats went on too long, and Drum N Noise was too samey. You have yet to make your perfect album, but it would seem you've dropped off the face of the Earth. That's too bad, because a lot of the other power noise acts I've listened to are pretty cheesy IMO.
25. Plastikman
Your lyrics are terrible, and Closer as a whole wasn't very good, especially compared to Musik and Consumed. I don't know if you've got another album in the works, and I don't even care enough to check right now.
Two nerdy white boys from England making non-rhythmic instrumental "music" on extremely complex and expensive equipment, then they have the gall to mention hip-hop in an interview. Yeah, you're so totally hip-hop.
Another thing: Quaristice sucks. It used to be that your music was confusing because it was so abstract and otherworldly. Quaristice is confusing because I can't tell whether I loathe it or love it.
It's totally obvious that you're using Machinedrums exclusively now, by the way. Please go back to your old way of making music--EXPERIMENTING! If your next album is another Quaristice-type affair, then you're pretty much dead to me. Just being honest.
2. Download
No matter how hard they try, they're never going to make anything as good as The Eyes of Stanley Pain ever again. But with Fixer it seems like they're trying to, and so they're probably never going to make anything as good as III ever again either.
3. Skinny Puppy
You're taking too much influence from "IDM" cliches like snare rushes and all that bullshit. Don't turn into Aphex Twin or I will hate you forever. Also, Mythmaker is very hit-or-miss, which frustrates me, but I'm not really expecting you to make anything as good as Last Rights or Too Dark Park again.
4. Black Dice
Your first four albums are amazing. Well, perhaps that's an overstatement, but they were really good because even though you were working with some very amusical sounds, the results were almost undeniably musical, but still quite experimental. With Load Blown, you pretty much perfected your skills in turning obtuse noises into pop songs.
That's enough complimenting though. Repo fucking blows. You've become just another "experimental" (notice the quotes) band. As I listen to Repo, half of me is enjoying the weird sounds and textures you make, while the other half is crying softly because of those fucking drumloops. You've lost your experimental edge, and for what? Your sound was perfect, and you tainted it with one of the most cliche things in electronic music. I hate drumloops in experimental music. They're so overused and fucking BORING as hell. Maybe you could've saved yourselves if they were at least drenched in effects, but all you did to them was a little bit of distortion. Fuck drumloops, fuck Repo, and fuck you.
5. Dead Voices on Air
Shap, Frankie Pett Presents..., and Piss Frond were all really great records, so what the hell happened with From Labrador To Madagascar? It's pretty wanky. You have a new album out that I haven't gotten yet. I hope it's better.
6. Scorn
I really liked the first track on Stealth, but not enough to want to hear it seven more times.
7. Prurient
Just because Pleasure Ground was pretty good doesn't mean you should start using melodies all the time. If I wanted melodies, I wouldn't be listening to you. What happened to the emptiness of Black Vase and the action-packed ragefest of Church of Ammunition? The latter was an EP of two tracks, and it's still my favorite thing you've ever done. TWO TRACKS! That is NOT enough! Do more in that style and drop this melodic bullshit.
8. Gorillaz
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be listening to music this cool. Why was this project retired? Also, I keep forgetting to check out that new (old now) "Monkey" album. I don't remember what it's called.
9. Swans
Why so serious?
10. La Peste
I seriously hate Second Life because of people like you. Instead of making your music available in the real world, you perform concerts in Second Life. That is fucking lame as hell. I don't want to get an account on Second Life just to hear new songs by you. Seriously, work on the Hangars-Liquides website. Make some music available for free. You have no idea how hard it was for me to find the little that I got, and most of it was from your speedcore/throwaway era, not the flashcore I was expecting. I hate to end my rant about you on a good note, but the three flashcore albums I do have by you are fucking amazing. Do more of that, and not in Second Life. Please.
11. Final
Why is it that the further I get from my #1, the harder it is to come up with criticisms of these artists? Shouldn't it be the opposite? Well, anyway, I don't like the online distribution thing you're doing. I'd rather just get actual CDs. 3 was a great album, and I really don't expect anything after it to be as good, so I guess the online distribution thing isn't really that big a deal to me. Just from what I've read, it sounds like they're going to be drone made from guitar. I prefer the highly-processed form of drone like Burning Star Core and your first three albums. If I wanted guitar drone, I'd listen to Boris with Merzbow.
12. Mindless Self Indulgence
You'll Rebel to Anything and If were jokes. And I don't mean "joke" in the "Mindless Self Indulgence is a joke" sense of the word. I mean that you sold out, and fuck you. "If" is just pure pop-punk bullshit. MSI is dead to me.
13. Boredoms
Chocolate Synthesizer and Super Ae were good. Seadrum/House of Sun went on for far too long. I get the feeling that when you FINALLY release your next album, it won't be very good.
14. Gridlock
Further was too long, Trace was too "IDM" and Formless's tracks all sound the same. I rarely listen to an album by you all the way through. Also, your music can be very colorless and boring unless I'm in the mood for it.
15. Ryoji Ikeda
Dataplex was good enough; we didn't need another one in the form of Test Pattern. But we also didn't need See You At Regis Debray, because it sounds like a fucking joke.
16. Burning Star Core
Did you run out of ideas with Challenger? You released TWO amazing albums in 2007, so it shouldn't be that hard to make something for 2009. Time is running out, and so is my patience.
17. Gescom
See #1. Let's be honest here--Gescom is hardly an "umbrella project". It's probably 99% Autechre, and maybe somebody from Boards of Canada helps out once in a while. If it isn't, it sure sounds like it.
A1-D1 suffers from the same problem that Quaristice does--some tracks are just mindblowingly good, while others are just mindblowingly bad.
18. Krovo
Self-conscious humor can be kind of lame sometimes, but I don't care. The current image you have up is really lame. For how much you claim to hate MySpace, you sure don't have any problem with taking pictures in that stupid MySpace way--holding your own camera at a vomit-inducing angle and then applying some angsty black-and-white effect.
Skk was better than Senkyder. Senkyder was a fucking sell-out, and the title track is just ridiculous. You seem to have dissolved into self-parody. Some of your tracks go on for a few minutes too long for the amount of ideas they have. Just because you have semidecent writing skills and can thus make your project sound cool in the biography doesn't mean you should, because you make it sound a lot more experimental than it is. (I'd like to note, though, that I do have tracks in the works that are much more experimental than the things currently on last.fm... Also, if you haven't caught on by now, Krovo is my project. Shameless self-promotion alert!)
19. Pan Sonic
When you limit yourself to a VERY small sound palette, it's inevitable that some of your songs are going to sound pretty much the same. Contrary to popular opinion, Kesto probably isn't your best album. (I really like A better.) But I can't say for sure, since I've never listened to the whole thing. You know why I haven't? It's FOUR FUCKING DISCS LONG!
20. Pigface
DO ANOTHER REMIX ALBUM, WHY DON'T YOU? Oh, and I see on RYM that you have another album in the works. Took you long enough!
21. Venetian Snares
It pisses me off that you're in the top artists for the tag glitch. (If you want to know why, read my shout on that page.) It saddens me that your recent work is so melodic. You're so much better with rhythm, but it seems like you're downplaying that aspect of your music. Doll Doll Doll is a great album, but it's doubtful that you're going to make anything as different and atmospheric as that was ever again. Maybe I should stop assuming things about the future of artists in order to diss them, though.
22. Merzbow
It's too bad that your songs are usually so long, because I really love your sounds, but they go on for too long most of the time. Anyone who has OCD about their music collection hates you, by the way, because it's pretty much impossible to get everything you've ever done. I'm glad I don't have OCD. Unfortunately, I do have a bit of ADD, hence the hatred for your long songs.
23. ohGr
Maybe you should've left it at two albums. Devil's In My Details is decent but it's got the same problem as Mythmaker in that it's far too hit-and-miss for my tastes. Some of the songs are just stupid, like that one with the chicken clucking.
24. Winterkälte
Disturbance's beats were too obvious, Structures of Destruction's beats went on too long, and Drum N Noise was too samey. You have yet to make your perfect album, but it would seem you've dropped off the face of the Earth. That's too bad, because a lot of the other power noise acts I've listened to are pretty cheesy IMO.
25. Plastikman
Your lyrics are terrible, and Closer as a whole wasn't very good, especially compared to Musik and Consumed. I don't know if you've got another album in the works, and I don't even care enough to check right now.
