Blog

Yarrr mateys, here be the short version of my review of Alestorm's new booty, Black Sails at Midnight - YAAARRRR!. To see the full length of it, visit Metal Retardation

'Tis a worthy effort, so I'll not sully your port-hole by cutting it too short here, but here is a taste:

"....With all of the traditional music and metal fusion going around, I guess it was inevitable that a few Scots would gather together to form a pirate-themed power metal band of brigands. Battleheart formed in 2004, releasing a couple home-produced independent EPs, before changing their name to Alestormand signing to cutting edge label napalm records. While Alestorm has been lumped in with the folk and pagan metal bandwagon, they really are doing something different. Their music is more closely related to pirate movie soundtracks and stories than traditional sea shanties, chants and sailor ballads. And, especially in this, their second full-length record, they are clearly out to entertain, whether through humor or hack-and-slash seafaring mayhem..."

Again, to see the full length of it, visit Metal Retardation

Again, I put my WMP on shuffle ('cause winamp won't shuffle >_>) and it goes all about how necrophiliac I am. ~_~ I stole this game from codislove. Don't know when or why. I just found it in my favorites. So, let's get started. ^_>

1) Why are you taking yet another shuffle quiz?
Within Temptation - Angels
=> Obviously, divine power made me do this shuffle. Of course. I am enlightened now. I must join the seminary.

2) What's currently in your fridge?
Tristania - Shadowman
=> Yeah, this was just what I had been expecting. Of course, beside sexually (ab)using corpses, I also eat human flesh. *tard*

3) Your biggest nightmare?
Nightwish - Ever Dream
=> Well, my worst nightmare would be a sad love. Sure. Though I don't really get the lyrics. :/

4) What place would you like to visit?
Nox Arcana - Ebonshire
=> There aren't any lyrics for this song and I tried googling to see what it was, but couldn't find a thing. It isn't too spooky, more weary. I'd like to visit it. If it's a place. Anyway, blargh.

5) A reason to commit suicide?
Therion - Call of Dagon
=> Sure. *trembles like a branch on water*

6) Why are we here?
The Vision Bleak - A Shadow Arose
=> We are here because a shadow arose over our real home and we were forced to leave it and live here, on Earth. I hate Adam and Eve. Selfish bastards.

7) Something you never dared to say to anyone?
The Crüxshadows - Clerestory
=> Don't know what that is. Think it's something sacred. I am not sacred, at all.

8) One thing the world really doesn't need?
Diary of Dreams - Play God
=> True. There are too many gods. Though it'd be nice to have a god to play with. *tard*

9) What's your biggest unfulfilled wish?
The Crüxshadows - Edge of the World
=> Obviously, @_@ I want to be on the edge of the world. U__U Just don't push me, pl0x.

10) If you could invent something, what would it be?
Battleheart - The Glorious Battle
=> None of the battles in history so far has been glorious. I plan to do a true, mega cool glorious battle. >_>

11) The last thing you say before you die?
Battleheart - Set Sail and Conquer
=> Har. Har. (Stolen from Beliyal. Thanks.)

12) What's your destiny?
The Crüxshadows - Before the Fire
=> My destiny was set before man invented the fire. See, I'm real important. *tard*

13) What do you do when you're alone in an elevator?
The Vision Bleak - Wolfmoon
=> O_o I'm alone in the elevator only when it's full moon. Also, I like wolves. *tard* Lame, ha?

14) Why do people go fishing?
Tristania - Cease to Exist
=> Obvious. So they can get kidnapped and stop existing. ^_>

15) What would you do with your slaves?
Therion - Arrival of the Darkest Queen
=> O_o Well, the darkest queen arrives and then she takes them to wonderland, transfigured as smurfs.

16) Is there a man on the moon?
Diary of Dreams - Bird Without Wings
=> This means no, right? :/

17) What does hell look like?
Diary of Dreams - The Curse
=> Sure. Well, it's a cursed place. Must be. Though I don't believe in it. :/

18) About what would you like to write a book?
Nox Arcana - Melancholia
=> Not actually my type of book, but ok. As long as it isn't necrophiliac. Phew.

19) The best thing ever is?
Therion - In Remembrance
=> Yes, memories are all we have. Even when we have nothing, memories are there. Unless we hurt our head and aunt amnesia visits us. :/

20) Why did the chicken cross the road?
Within Temptation - Hand of Sorrow
=> OF COURSE! The chicken was sorrowful and decided to kill itself.

21) Why do you listen to music?
Moonspell - Perverse...almost Religious
=> Yes, I am perverted, but not religious.

22) What do you do when you're alone and nobody's watching?
Tristania - Opus Relinque
=> Basically, I do nothing when I'm alone. That's truth, somewhat.

23) Why are other people so stupid?
Leaves' Eyes - Vinland Saga
=> Yes, they read this stupid saga and got stupid. Explains everything.

24) Last thing you ate?
Therion - Nifelheim
=> Why, of course. I ate the underground world.

25) Why is grass green?
Epica - Adyta
=> This is incoherent. It shall be assimilated. We are the Borg.

26) Your phone is ringing, but who's on the other end?
Within Temptation - It's the Fear
=> I got carried away bye the Hindenburg dirigible, landing on Mu. OK. Now I'm afraid. *shivers*

27) What should you stop doing?
Therion - Children of the Damned
=> So, stop making children, you say? They'll all be damned? Bad luck, I guess.

28) A word of advice to the readers of this quiz?
The Vision Bleak - The Grand Devilry
=> I advise you to go to hell. Yeah, that's right. Now you've read my journal, bye bye, see ya in hell.


I hope this wasn't too boring. COMMENT! (I'm not a 13-year old fan girlie.)

Just thought I'd make a wee list of bands I have seen live - not the total list as I have obviously seen small bands etc at local gigs etc. NB: just because a band's listed here doesn't mean I like them, just that I have seen them live!!

Cathedral, Napalm Death, Black Sabbath, Mortiis, Skindred, The Black Dahlia Murder, Maroon, Wednesday 13, Chelsea Smiles, Glamour Of The Kill, Cradle of Filth, In Flames, Guns N' Roses, Lordi, Sabaton, Alestorm(Battleheart), Paradise Lost, My Dying Bride, Tiamat, Anathema, Turisas, Norther, Finntroll, Saxon, CthoniC, Lacuna Coil, Iron Maiden, Korn, Satyricon, Dimmu Borgir, Ill Nino, Gallows, Detonation, Grand Magus, Motorhead, Girlschool, UK Subs, Sabbat, Within Temptation, Trivium, Turbonegro, SOiL, Marilyn Manson, Megadeth, Machine Head, Gorerotted, DragonForce, Down, Cryptopsy, Strapping Young Lad, Wicked Wisdom, Airbourne, Mortal Sin, Lauren Harris, Exodus, Holy Moses, Sonata Arctica, Nightwish, Carcass, At the Gates, Hatebreed, Kamelot, Killswitch Engage, Gorgoroth (God Seed), Ensiferum, Pastor of Muppets, Doro, Amon Amarth, Slayer, Nevermore, Heaven & Hell, Anthrax, HammerFall, In Extremo, Rage, Endstille, Vreid, Borknagar, Job for a Cowboy, Einherjer, Mambo Kurt, Children of Bodom, Killing Joke, Exodus, Opeth, 3 Inches of Blood, SPiT LiKE THiS, Battlelore, Týr, Hecate Enthroned, Firewind, Skindred, Nazxul, Charger, Rotting Christ, Mithras, The Gates of Slumber, Lock Up, Wolves in the Throne Room, Mistress, Manowar, Misfits, Orange Goblin, Taake, Moonsorrow, Moonspell, Samael, Destroyer 666, Melechesh, DevilDriver, Immolation, Vader, Europe, Pestilence, Kataklysm, Keep of Kalessin, Electric Wizard

Alestorm - Captain Morgan's Revenge
Genre - Folk Metal

ARRGGGHH! Be it a fine night to plunder tha depths of tha interwebs in search of booty and mead and ample wenches.

Well with the obligatory pirate talk out of the way lets forgo all the corny jokes and get down to brass hooks. Alestorm formally known as Battleheart follows along the popular trend of pirates popularized with heavy metal band ‘Running Wild’. I always found it strange that for the longest time such an untapped theme of metal lay dormant like lost Aztec gold, ready to be plundered once more or plagued by the curse of the gimmick for those that were not worthy enough.

It is a gimmick, there is no doubt about that. The only thing worse would be metal that revolved around ninjas’ however that’s something that thankfully will never happen. Calling Alestorm purely a gimmick band isn’t entirely correct however. I have to laugh at the people that refuse to listen to the album due to it being about pirates. Pulling out my golden telescope and surveying Alestorm’s shoutbox on last.fm I see that pirates are according to the common folk, for pussies. Am I the only one that finds it somewhat amusing that a lot of the people who are negative about this band for this very reason are also people that have a ship load of metal about Vikings in their charts?

This isn’t relying on the pirate theme to sell their albums granted it probably helped them get a record deal but Alestorm actually posses quite a degree of skill that make them a diamond in the rough of folk metal. I hope you weren’t expecting another Port Royal because other than the lyrical themes Running Wild does not have much in common. You would have better luck comparing the band to the likes of Korpiklaani but replace the keyboard with an accordion. You heard me right seadog there is an accordion and it works well. It even successfully duals the guitar in one of the songs which was the most interesting thing I have heard in a while. Anyone who can turn an accordion into a metal instrument is fit of the title of first mate in my opinion.

The songs can be fairly complex for folk metal and quite impressively out play some of the more popular folk bands that will go un-named (Korpiklaani and Ensiferum). Folk metal that actually has good solos in them is fairly unheard of, however Alestorm pull them off with skill. Vocals do not sound like a stereotypical pirate and instead go for a more realistic approach which has been met with some criticism. Myself on the other hand applaud them for taking this somewhat seriously and demonstrating that they are in fact not sailing on the gimmick ship towards buried treasure and fame. Besides, they sound great the way they are and it fits the music perfectly. They work especially well on the ballads of the album which are incidentally about beer and lasses with nice firm cannonballs.

The most appealing part of this album is just the sheer enjoyment you get from listening it. It has some undefinable charm to it that does make it hard not to at least enjoy it. Probably the most fun album I own and as such it certainly gets a few spins. This isn’t the album that a lot of people want it to be. Instead it is something else entirely that should be enjoyed (or disliked) for its own merits. Anyone who makes opinions on this without listening to it shall walk the plank for it is a fine album with many an enjoyable sea shanty.

I sincerely ask your forgiveness for not keeping my promise for forgoing the pirate puns.

8 AARRRGGHHS / 10

Lately I'm listening to a lot of pagan, viking and folk metal.
I'm always looking for new bands, so I decided to make a list of all the bands I'm listening to right now, and hopefully one of you guys can recommend me some more..


Eluveitie (celtic folk metal)

Adorned Brood
Agalloch
(Alestorm) (ex-Battleheart)
Amon Amarth
Ásmegin
(Battleheart)
Belenos
Black Messiah
Borknagar
Dark Forest
Einherjer
Eluveitie
(Elvenking)
Ensiferum
Equilibrium
Falchion
(Falconer)
Falkenbach
Fejd
Fimbultyr
Finntroll
Finsterforst
Fjoergyn
Folkearth
Greigh
Helrunar
Heorot
Hordak
Karlahan
Kivimetsän Druidi
Korpiklaani
KromleK
Månegarm
Menhir
Metsatöll
Mistur
Mithotyn
Moonsorrow
Myrkgrav
Naglfar
Nastrandir
Nattsmyg
Nomans Land
Northland
(Numen)
Pagan Reign
Primordial
(Rebellion)
Runic
Shaman
Sigtyr
Sorg Uten Tårer
SuidAkrA
(Summoning)
Svartsot
Thronar
Thundra
Thyrfing
Troll Gnet El
Tuatha De Danann
Turisas
Týr
Varg
Vintersorg
Windir
Wolfchant
Wolfhorde
(Wolven Ancestry)
Wulfgar
Wyrd
XIV Dark Centuries

I especially love bands like Eluveitie, Månegarm, Windir, Thyrfing, Wolfchant, Mithotyn, Finsterforst, Korpiklaani, Myrkgrav, etc.
I'm probably going to check out Cruachan, Lumsk, Kampfar, Otyg, Enid, Heol Telwen and Equilibrium soon..

Any other bands you would recommend?

23 Dec. '07 - EDIT: LIST UPDATED!

For some reason the power metal map is very widespread, cumulating around several twin pairs of bands (who often share members by the way).



This is the largest island; obviously with Edguy at the center. I have no idea, what these bands have in common except they tend to be more on the melodic than the heavy side (ok, I forgot Brainstorm)
With Falconer , Elvenking and Battlelore we also get some folk-influenced bands.



Pretty self-explanatory. Demons & Wizards is a project of members from Iced Earth and Blind Guardian, hence the shared fanbase.



The isolated Helloween family...



What these bands rooting in Rhapsody (of Fire) have in common is the use of symphonic elements and a certain pathos...



These are mostly finnish power metal bands, which also share a certain neo-classical vibe and fast catchy melodies (Sonata Arctica being the archetypical example). Which is also the reason why Dragonforce is in this group.



Likewise this group of bands is connected by style. Most of the bands play a heavy, rawer version of the genre, sometimes called "US power metal".
The reason why Battleheart are here is that they share a the pirate theme of Running Wild.



Finally this are some small unimportant groups.

Avantasia, Masterplan, Freedom Call, Aina, Kamelot, Angra, Shaaman, Gamma Ray, Primal Fear, Iron Savior, Symphorce, Nocturnal Rites, Firewind, Silent Force, Avantasia, Dream Evil, HammerFall, Stratovarius, Sinergy, Warmen, Kotipelto, Kiuas, Thunderstone, Dreamtale, Twilightning, Luca Turilli, Dark Moor, Dragonland, Thy Majestie, Chinchilla, Dionysus, Axenstar, Grave Digger, Rage, Virgin Steele, Jag Panzer, Angel Dust, Astral Doors

to be continued...

So, a little under two weeks ago I started listening to Running Wild, and I liked what I heard. They're a brilliant band, with a nice array of brilliant songs. 20 Years In History is truly a must-have album, since it contains all of their best songs, like Little Big Horn and Bad to the Bone.
Of course, Running Wild also falls into a rather unique genre - Pirate Metal. The founders of the genre, even.

Naturally, I immediately looked up some more similar stuff, and found Battleheart. Their songs are free, and can be downloaded on their site. They're also pretty damn good. They sing about wenches and mead, and that is pretty damn hardcore. The Battleheart EP would truly be an epic album if it didn't have the annoying issue of the badly recorded vocals. It's a minor issue, but it manages to bug me terribly, but it's alright since they're still a pretty new band. I will continue hoping for the album to be digitally remastered nonetheless.

Soon after, I discovered the existance of motherfawking Ninja Metal bands. I wondered why nobody ever bothered to inform me of this brilliance, and started to download some Ninja Magic. Their music is free, and available for download on their site. They're less Heavy and more Power metal than Running Wild or Battleheart, but they're brilliant nonetheless. Shurikens of love? Yes please.
'Cause where lightning strikes once, a ninja strikes twice.

Joining the fray will also be Shadow Warriors. They're a DragonForce side-project, and are pretty much more of a joke than anything else. Titles like "Fight for be Free" do support the fact that it's just a joke. Still though, the hardest metal known the man as ninjas is a pretty fearsome thought.

On a side note, I also watched Pan's Labyrinth last week. It's quite a brilliant movie, I would very much recommend it to anyone who likes Silent Hill-like creepy critters crossed with fairytales and war. The acting was pretty damn good, and the story was quite brilliant, and also sad. I normally don't watch any foreign movies, either, but this one was very much worth it.

First off, I made a fucking Excel spreadsheet to tally up my monthly top artists for April.

I'll let that one sink in for a bit.

All right. On we go to my ten most listened-to artists of April 2007, which actually is more like thirteen artists as spot #10 is shared by three bands.

1. Cryptopsy (161 listens)
Talk about a surprise entry! Not only did these guys not appear on the March chart at all, but the chart itself was rather tame musically -- and now we've got Cryp-Fucking-Topsy appearing at the very top of the April chart!
Admittedly, I've always counted "None So Vile" (which is where virtually all of these listens came from) among my all-time favourite albums, but as it goes sometimes you kind of forget about the classics in order to check out newer stuff. Perhaps because I was in a pretty grim mood this month (and not the frostbitten kind of grim, either), "NSV" made one hell of a reappearance here.
And why not? It doubtlessly is one of the greatest Death Metal albums ever released. The musicianship is flawless, the vocals are some of the most out-there shit ever recorded, and the lyrics are simply exquisite. Seriously, I was reading along almost every time I listened to this. Not because I didn't understand a word (well, that too), but because Lord Worm displays an impressive degree of literary sophistication even or especially when tackling the staples of Death Metal themes: unleashing the unholy forces of Hell, slaying Jesus Christ, being a serial killer and all that jazz. Just look at lyrics like these...
They'll crawl in their perdition,
The righteous will be lost
Where gutted angels lie fucked...
Beneath the funeral cross;
We'll dig them a mass grave soon,
And bring to their knees
Those who would have rescinded
The laws of disease.

"The children have turned",
The cherubs wail,
As anticross triumphs
Where the cross has failed.

Hell-spawned majesty, we eagerly
Await the advent of the
Next millennium
When you will return with a swarm from
Beyond to claim your carnal
Lost dominion.
...and tell me that, while yes it's more or less the same old subject matter, it's not presented in an eloquent, innovative fashion, made all the more poignant by Lord Worm's utterly inhuman shrieking and growling.

Simply a great album, and a great band at the time.
Website: http://www.cryptopsy.net
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/cryptopsy

2. Ivan Tsarevich (114 listens)
Oh, but what have we here? A fairly obscure metal band from Russia, playing a curious mix of epic Heavy Metal with Folk elements and influences (such as having not one, but two psaltery players). While they're decidedly metal, their overall sound is quite...Russian, if that makes any sense. This is to no small part thanks to their vocalist, who does a very impressive job and sounds curiously like he only just left the Red Army Choir. The psalteries add a very nice touch as well.
I find it pretty difficult to describe the sound of this band adequately; all I know is that it's some seriously good shit, so I recommend you head to their website (no MySpace that I could find, sadly) and listen to some MP3s. All these listens, incidentally, are from their 2007 album "Idu Na Vy", already one of this year's top albums for me.
Website: http://www.ivan-tzarevich.ru
MySpace: n/a

3. van Canto (91 listens)
Bit surprised to see these guys at #3 to be honest, as I don't really remember listening to them all that much lately. Still, "A Storm to Come" remains a nice album, and their "Battery" cover just slays time after time.
Website: http://www.vancanto.de
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/vancanto

4. Immolation (87 listens)
Ah yes. Part two of my "I need some heavy fucking shit" binge. Why I felt the need for some brutal stuff? I don't know. Maybe it's because I've been writing some DM lyrics of my own and had to get in the right mood.
Simple fact is that Immolation are an awesome band with a quite distinct sound. At least part of it can be attributed to Dolan's vocals, which manage to be incredibly brutal without actually being very extreme. Most of the time you can even understand what he's singing, but the vocals remain utterly crushing regardless. They also know how to write atonal, almost dissonant riffs, malicious by nature, coupled with some rather skilful drumming and sick leads. Though more technical in nature, they still easily out-brutalize many other bands that claim to be x-treeeeeeeme.

Their 2007 album "Shadows in the Light", which I owe many of these listens to (most of the rest came from "Close to a World Below"), is quite simply put excellent and a true return to form after the somewhat mediocre "Harnessing Ruin". Another one for the ol' year end list!
Website: http://www.everlastingfire.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/immolationny

5. Battleheart (86 listens)
Yarrrrrrr, me mateys! Battleheart be here, and they're playing Pirate Metal! Now, "Pirate Metal" by itself doesn't say a lot about the band's actual sound: there's the Speed Metal angle (Running Wild), the more malicious almost-Death Metal approach (Verbal Deception), and hell, there's even Pirate Hardcore (Scurvy). In the case of Battleheart, it's pretty straight-forward, hymnic Heavy Metal with some light Folk touches (accordion yay!). The "battle" in their band name is there for a reason, folks!
Their second EP "Terror on the High Seas", though only consisting of three "real" songs, is particularly outstanding; from the rousing hymn "Set Sail and Conquer" over the aggressive, almost thrashy title track to the awe-inspiring drinking song "Wenches and Mead", it serves up a broadside of pure ROCK. And hey, who's going to argue with lyrics like these?
HEY HEY
I WANT MORE WENCHES
HEY HEY
MORE WENCHES AND MEAD
HEY HEY
I WANT MORE WENCHES
LOTS OF WENCHES IS WHAT I NEED
Yeah, I didn't think so.

Both EPs they've recorded so far are available for free download from their website. Get to it!
Website: http://www.battleheart.celtiaproductions.co.uk
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/battleheartofficial

6. Dalriada (80 listens)
Yep, still hanging in there. "Kikelet" continues to enchant with wonderful melodies and somewhat raw, but sincere vocals. Dalriada know how to write catchy songs that do justice to both aspects of the Folk Metal tag. This album's here to stay.
Website: http://www.echoofdalriada.hu
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/echoofdalriadaband

7. Haydamaky (76 listens)
As a result of my desire for BROOTAL STUFF, wacky Ukrainian Ska/Punk was not in such high demand last month. Still, Haydamaky saw a fair bit of airtime regardless, mostly because their tunes simply are really cool. (That and I can't be arsed to listen to Death Metal all day.)
Website: http://www.haydamaky.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/haydamaky

8. Perkalaba (40 listens)
A band actually recommended to me via last.fm (thanks again, WandRoveR!).
What's better than one Ukrainian Ska/Punk band on your monthly chart? Why, two of them! Compared to their countrymen of Haydamaky, Perkalaba are notably more "chill" and emphasize the Ska side of things. I've only heard their 2004 release "Horrry!" so far, but it's a wonderfully smooth album to listen to if you just want to bop your head and enjoy some "chill" tunes.
Website: http://perkalaba.com.ua
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/perkalaba

9. Rotten Sound (37 listens)
Part 2.5 of the Quest for Brutal Stuff, sometimes you just need your shit fucked up right proper. Rotten Sound are happy to deliver! Doing something like 18 tracks in 28 minutes on "Exit", it's not the most infinitely re-listenable material ever, but boy does it clean your clock.
Website: http://www.rottensound.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/rottensound

10. Bathory (36 listens)
I'll admit that hitherto, I had never listened to a single Bathory song, ever. It thus seemed to be about time I did something about that, so I went and grabbed some albums. Very impressive stuff, considering some of it is nearing the 20 year mark in terms of age by now. The two "Nordland" albums struck me as particularly awesome; Viking Metal at its best, no doubt.
Website: http://www.bathory.se
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/bathoryquorthon

10. Falconer (36 listens)
Sometimes I crave PM, and Falconer's one of my go-to bands for that. I think this is mostly combined listens of their self-titled debut album and "Northwind", both excellent albums. Not aggressive enough to (currently) warrant a great deal of listening, but on the other hand it never gets old either. (Also, Falconer was one of the first Metal bands I was introduced to, so they have that going for 'em too.)
Website: http://www.falconermusic.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/falconermusic

10. Martriden (36 listens)
Yep, still here. "In Death We Burn" in particular is a track I simply cannot get enough of; that chorus is just so fucking epic. Some people thought their EP sounded overproduced, to which I say, "bleah". God forbid a CD actually sound good for a change!
Website: http://www.martriden.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/martriden

Overall observations: four artists from my March chart made an appearance in this one as well (Dalriada, Haydamaky, Martriden, Van Canto). Of the remaining bands, only three were new discoveries, i.e. bands I had not heard of before (Battleheart, Ivan Tsarevich, Perkalaba); the rest all are "classics", so to speak. This is sort of interesting because last month, almost all bands were new to me then. I guess this goes to show that, while yes, there is a great deal of new and exciting music out there, there's also quite some stuff that's been around for a while, and that you'd surely dig if only you gave it the time of day.

Until June!