Sat 7 Mar – Han Bennink, Ray Anderson, Yuri Honing, Tony Overwater, Ernst Glerum, Paul van Kemenade, Joost Lijbaart, Frank Möbus. De Burcht, Leiden.
What a day!
Coach Bertels aroused very early, especially considering the fact that today is not a weekday!
At eight an alarm clock rang, curses were heard and some deep farts came up from under a blanket…. Coach Bertels came to life!!
Just after ten minutes the colossal got on his feet and stumbled towards the magnificent viewpoint that oversees the village.
Stretching and yawning, a beautiful morning was introduced to this impossible creature.
It took Coach quite a few coffees and crackers to charge up.
The childlike water splashing completed the metamorphoses into the Bertels society learned to tolerate.
Around nine Coach walked to the nearest bank and demanded the robot to give up a great deal of money.
After the correct threats, the-build-in-the-bank-robot immediately stopped protesting and provided the bills.
Fifteen minutes later Coach Bertels was on his way steering the limo into the inland mists that would mask the unbearable sightings of filthy villages like Alphen and Bodegraven.
Clear blue sunny skies indicated civilisation again, Utrecht!
The City where Bertels has it’s roots, was now just clicks away.
The limo parking was extremely packed, Bertels cruised around it for five minutes to find the one and only open spot. With the limo safely stacked, Bertels went on by foot through the concrete obstacles and iron fences of the perimeter.
As Coach walked up the ramp, the A-train already arrived.
Quick boarding, checking for unfriendlies and sit quiet as a mouse.
Just a few seats away some down boy was telling perfectly strangers what his plans for the day were: swimming, if only somebody found his goggles!
For a minute Bertels felt stupid, why wasn’t he that gay? Guess that’s destiny Coach!!
As the A-train arrived at central station all rats prepared to abandon ship.
Bertels however was aware of this and stayed behind a bit, not to be squashed.
At top level things looked bright, only the sleazy folks up there almost made Bertels puke.
They hang in dark corners, just to leap out if somebody is passing by.. “a ride sir?, nice price!”. They scare every single soul, but they need the cash to survive and keep their cabs in business. The great hallway is always crowded, all kinds of peoples, junkies, offenders and Ladies wander around to be seen or just passing through in a hurry.
“Hey man! That’s my Hurry!” screamed a rotten individual from a corner “You’re in my darn hurry!”.
The city square was also packed, the Saturday market in it’s full capacity opened up before Coach. Like a maze of Tangerine alleys. Strange looking foods, drinks, services, hats, gloves, vacuum cleaners, flower bulbs, electricity from a small carton box and smelly fish cadavers.
In the midst of all this Coach was persuaded by the mystical and hypnotizing eyes of a Baghdad Sultan who sold him a foreign winter coat for too much cash. Damned Coach! Everyone knows to rush over the market and not to look into strange eyes!!
Confused, abused and not amused, Coach Bertels arrived at the pub where he would laugh.
He had laughed there before, so he will laugh there again….
With a Cappuccino and a butter cookie, he just waited for the show to start.
The pub filled up quickly, and the time arrived in which the live radio broadcast was about to start. Bertels always was a fan of this radio show, it’s about the news, the ridicule about the news and a whole lot of satirical laughter with
Dolf Janssen and
Felix Meurders. In a corner by the big window pane,
10cc played some of their famous works and
Charlie May performed a few lines from his rap interpretation of the famous medieval Reinhardt the Fox fairytale. High up on the tables Bertels enjoyed every minute of the show. The two hours went by like a bullet train.
Slightly dazed by the show, Bertels moved his shoes to the one and only great bun place in Utrecht: Mario’s! A big warm bun with just cheese was all Coach graved for. As the cheese melted and Coach enjoyed it, the trip to the A-train was made in a flash. The drive back to the limo parking was less intimidating than before and outside clouds started to build up.
It now seemed some kind of mob meeting was over, since there was only one limo left on the entire parking. It just stood there, looking black, robust and safe.
Bertels drove it up the A12, A27, A28 and into the village of Zeist where a gadget was to change owner.
Yes, Coach Bertels made the daunting step to try out a real iNote!
The selling guy was just out of the diapers and already operating from a mansion.
He was going onto a newer, faster and more powerful model.
A quick demo, change of cash and Bertels was on his way home.
Back at Bertels Cube, the gadget was tried out in different ways and it had to be said: this is the best thing to create stories like these on location, anywhere, everywhere, always!!!
Using quick link wireless data sphere, Bertels discovered a great gig that night in Leiden.
So he created the event, got on his bike and didn’t stop until he was at Zorba’s. The quick Greek dish was very tasteful and the police performances on the street were actually very nice to Bertels. He saw this copper girl who looked just like Jennifer Lopez in Angel Eyes, Wow!! Time to commit a crime?
De Burcht was still half full as Coach arrived, this venue has the privilege to draw Chouffe beer, one of Bertels favourites….
One by one old-timers dripped in and also a few band members. Yes, most of the folks here were old. Since the music they were gonna hear is old, only they didn’t expect it to be so refreshingly experimental tonight!
Han Bennink played the drums as the actor
Leslie Nielsen in Rambo disguise.
Ray Anderson played the trombone with a finesse stiffness and
Tony Overwater handled a huge contra bass.
Paul van Kemenade blew on a small sax all evening, while
Frank Möbus created the most strange effects with his electrical guitar and a whole lot of stomp boxes. Ladies and Gentlemen: we have a classic Jazz setup! At the start Foppe made a little speech, and again it was kind of very funny. This time he wore a old tome gangster hat and Colbert, he claimed to be minister Plasterk and he deliberately confused names, words, political actions and jazz history to get the old-timers laughing and on his side. At the end of his speech he took of the hat and a cloud of confetti poured all over the guy.
Zipping his gnome, Bertels tried to appreciate the chaos jazz and the things he went through this Saturday. It was a strange, emotional, funny and happy day for Coach Bertels.
10cc
1985 - Bowling for Soup
